What was is gone, what is to come can still be. If I do what I've always done, I'll get what I've always got. This needs to change. Here I challenge myself to that change and see what can yet become of this chapter of my life.
An interesting day - from dashing out the door at the last minute, to trying to figure out a way to push past our competition, to making a bit of a self-discovery, to wrapping up the day with a plan ... I wonder what will come of the pondering of the day. I passed on going out with people after work (long story), and the evening ended up being a good one anyway, thanks to a long conversation with RA.
Day's Report:
Habits: - Clean Sink: Soaking now ... will wash before bed - Cups of Water: 3-4 - Hours of sleep: 6h 48m (5x awake, 14x restless) - Meds: yes - Reading: no - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - 5182 steps Goal Advancement for today: Nothing to note. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. I'm grateful today that I might have come across something that could help me. I know I've never been a competitive person, maybe because I've never had a hope of being first or recognized or whatever for the accolades a competitive person receives from doing what they do. Today, however, was the first time that I've pondered that my non-competitive nature might actually be a detriment in this goal thing, because I am wrestling so much with the whole motivation thing. How do you motivate someone when they're not competitive? 2. I'm also grateful that between RA and myself, we're going to try something. For me, it's a focus exercise ... to be clear about what I intend to achieve, to put it within a time frame, and then hit the 'go' button ... to see what might come of it. And that maybe we can help each other, each in our own way. It was good to talk to her about this and attempt to seek a solution together. 3. I'm grateful today that my steps were more than 5000! 4. I'm grateful today to get paid ... today was payday, and I didn't spend a dime! 5. I'm grateful today that it's the weekend ... time to regroup.
I'm going to write something that is difficult for me to say. I'm not saying this to get sympathy of any sort, but more as an observation. Yesterday, I noted things that got me charged, that gave me energy. Somehow, what I'm going to write fits in with it all, I'm just not sure how.
I got a gift today - someone reached out to me, me, because she believed I could help her, that I had something I could offer her that, in some way, no one else could. It's been a very long time since I've had that feeling. There are days, weeks, that go by and I feel I contribute nothing to anyone. Nothing that they can't get from somewhere else, and they often do. Many of my friends don't work, or are at home during the day. I can't spend time with them ... and the people I do spend time with ... well, let's just say that I'm often left holding my self. I reach to them because they have something they can offer me - their presence. But vise-versa? Not often. When I taught, at least I believed I had something to offer my students that they could get from only me! But things have changed. It's a good thing that I enjoy my own company, with the amount of time I spend by myself!
So, today, that was an ah-ha moment. And, if there is any doubt, I will give all I can to help the person who reached out to me. I believe I do have something to help her, and I'm honoured beyond words that she asked me.
Day's Results:
Habits: - Clean Sink: It will be ... soaking now. - Cups of Water: 3 (time to up my game!) - Hours of sleep: 7h 3min - Meds: yes - Reading: no - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - 4521 steps Goal Advancement for today: Nothing to note. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. I am so grateful today for the opportunity to encourage someone in my way, sharing my experiences and helping her get through her hard time. This weekend, I intend to sit and do just that, so I am not interrupted and can be present with her, even if it is only on 'paper. 2. Today, I'm grateful for running water ... every time I have a shower, I leave with the wonderful feeling of being clean and ready to start the day! 3. Today, I'm grateful that I enjoy my own company, that I always have something to do. I need the light under my butt a bit more, but, at least - other than one or two things - I do enjoy my own company. 4. Today, I'm grateful that tomorrow is Friday and that I have the weekend to reset and begin again. 5. Today, I'm grateful to have another person of inspiration to add to my list of people I admire, respect and am inspired by. Now, there are 4 people that I think of every day, that I pray for every day, and I am grateful I can follow their stories, as they pursue their dreams ... and be inspired by them.
It was an ok day ... nothing exceptional either way. We are having a "competition" of sorts at work, and though I'm getting an opportunity to demonstrate my leadership skills, it's also an exercise in futility for me, as, from a behavioral perspective, it really is a waste of time and takes away time from things that should have a priority. I am looking forward to reading the book I picked up yesterday - I'm sure there will be some solid advice in it!
Habits: - Clean Sink: No - Cups of Water: 3 - Hours of sleep: 7h 2min - Meds: Yes - Reading: yes (fiction) - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - 5539 steps (2.39 miles) Goal Advancement for today: PD: I am noticing things that get me excited. I don't know how to connect them yet, but today, I got charged leading others by inspiring them and I got charged over the whole "how to change behavior" thing. And, I got charged in being creative - with words, with pictures, with presentation. I want to continue to note this to see what else I can discover. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. Today, I am grateful to be able to contribute a significant amount to our team's competition. I've never been this involved before, but I've learned from others and I know how other teams have won. 2. Today, I'm grateful for the beautiful weather - I know I'm saying that a lot but I want to really remember it for when things get bitterly cold! 3. Today, I'm grateful for the easy supper I made. It wasn't the most healthy, but it was quick and tasty. 4. Today, I'm grateful for the 'clues' I'm getting. I know there's more and I don't have an answer yet, but I am going to count this as a start. 5. Today, I'm grateful for getting to be a little creative at work - creating notes for computers when we find them open and no one is sitting at them. Any time I get to be creative, I'm grateful.
I know it has to do with focus, with motivation, with perseverance. I know it has to do with pushing down the saboteur and bringing forward the champion. No one can do it for me, but I can look to others for inspiration.
I listened to this yesterday. My take-away? Depression (in some cases) has to do with a focus on the self. However, we can influence it if we take responsibility for it. In order to get out of it or change it, look outward, to times of joy, when you made a difference in someone's life. Think hard on that time, on others ... and your inner dialogue will change, your demeanor will change and your motivation will change.
Habits: - Clean Sink: Yup - Cups of Water: 4 - Hours of sleep: 6h 59m - Meds: Yes - Reading: yes ... and journal also! - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - will insert when I sync my FitBit. Something`s strange with it right now. Actually 4928 steps. 62 steps short of 5000!!!! Ahhhh!!! Goal Advancement for today: H: I brought my food to work with me. First time in a bit. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. Today, I`m grateful for another good INR - 2.4. I`ve been stable enough that they are transferring me to my doctor. Not sure how I feel about that, but will manage. 2. Today, I`m grateful that I found a book I was looking for. It`s called How To Bring Out The Best in People - I`m going to use it at work to assist me in suggesting there is another way to deal with a problem, AND it will demonstrate to the client a much better message than the one they`re showing now. 3. Today I`m grateful for the opportunity to do a bit of leading at work. My first time, actually, outside of the classroom! 4. Today, I`m grateful for the ideas I got to present at our weekly `Toolbox Talks`... on the one hand, I wish they`d realize that I have a lot of potential and they`re not giving me appropriate responsibilities; on the other hand, they aren`t paying me to do this, and a bit of me resents being used for something that they`re not recognizing me and paying me for. Someone else is getting those benefits and they`re not doing the job. I will use my ideas and I will show up every other person in our group. So there! Arrogant ... no, it has taken me a while to get to this point. 5. Today, I am grateful for a nice warm bath and heading to bed as soon as I finish this line. So be it ... good night!
Not going to pause too long right now, though I might come back on the weekend and add a bit more. I'm 1/2 way through my second experiment and I'm on the brink of the next 1/2. Kind of like being on the brink of the next 1/2 of my life. Can I make this next year the best of my life? if I can, then I can make this next 1/2 the best part of the experiment.
I bought a book today (don't laugh!). It's called The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It. Yes, on the surface, it looks a lot like what I think about all the time. But, when I skimmed it, there was something there that I haven't thought of. At least, not in the way she presents it. Her premise is that, regardless what is happening in your life, you can have the best year of your life. It's about something inside, not about the circumstances of the outside.
I figure it's worth a shot ... and maybe in these last 50 days, the glimmer of change can begin to be seen. There are changes, there are things happening, but I want more to be seen! and who is that up to? me ... yes, it's my responsibility. Pick up my socks, let's get going ... every step in the right direction brings me another step closer to my destination.
Here's to the second half of the 100 days! Bring it on!
Not one of my better days, but I will still find good things in it. I refuse to get into it, it is mine to deal with. I'm not going to complain about it ... I need to figure out how to do something about it instead. And, if I can't, then I need to let it go.
Habits: - Clean Sink: I will before bed. - Cups of Water: 3 - Hours of sleep: 6h 27m - Meds: yes - they're sitting on the counter and I'll take them before bed. - Reading: no - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - right now: 3979 steps. Maybe I'll cross the 4000 mark before bed? Will let you know tomorrow! Update: 4290 steps. :-) Goal Advancement for today: Not really. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. I'm grateful today that I made it to work in time. I had a bad night's sleep and I got up and made it to work in time. 2. I'm grateful today that it's the start of a new TV season. So many of my favourite shows will be starting again tonight! 3. I'm grateful today for the continued amazing weather! I love fall! But I want to weep on days like this! 4. I'm grateful today to be able to 'chat' a bit with RA, via texting. She's the only one I really "spoke" with all day. 5. To quote a good friend, on days like this, I'm grateful I woke up with all my eyelashes where they should be!
See? Even on bad days, there are good things that can be found!
Considering we've already had our first snowfall, and so many trees throughout the city are still broken, we are getting some unbelievably magnificent weather! The trees have begun their explosion of colour, earlier than previous years, and all is taking on that amazing aura. I
love all seasons but there is something so special about Fall!! Winter
is magical, Spring is rejuvenating, Summer is life and passion, but Fall
is wistful and reflective, full of fire and bittersweet longing.
There's an ache in me when Fall hits that has no words. And today, I
feel it.
Day's Results
Habits: - Clean Sink: Yup! - Cups of Water: 2 - Hours of sleep: 8-ish - Meds: yes - Reading: YES!!! (Read a bit more fiction.) - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - 3444 steps. Yeow! Goal Advancement for today:
Nothing of significance. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. Today, I'm grateful for a good night's sleep, especially the last 1/2. 2. Today, I'm grateful that I was able to get my nail fixed - it split yesterday and I was able to get an appointment to get it cared for. 3. Today, I'm grateful that I got a bit more of the book read. Man, does this author draw things out! For all I've read, really nothing has happened. 4. Today, I'm grateful for finding the new Barbra Streisand CD ... what a beautiful selection of songs! 5. Today, I'm grateful that it's at the start of another week, another chance to take a step or two towards my goals. Any movement forward is movement in the right direction.
Ok ... one of those days where ... highest of highs,, lowest of lows, and a mixture of really good and really not-so-good in between. So, the day was ok. :-)
Habits: - Clean Sink: Yup! still empty! - Cups of Water: 4 - Hours of sleep: 7-ish - Meds: yes - Reading: YES!!! (Fiction, but I'm in a good part, so the probability of me completing the novel is a definite possibility!) - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - ok ... ok ... are you ready for this??? 12,164 steps!!!!! (5.24 MILES!!) Goal Advancement for today: H: I don't even need to say, do I? I went up and over my 10,000 step goal for the first time! Wowser! PD: I'm not going to elaborate on this too much right now, but I will say here that I started my Purple Journal. This is very significant for me and I hope that where it takes me is even better. R: Spending time with Carolyn was wonderful. Sometimes I wonder if my social skills are being affected, so that's why this day was important for me. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. Today - I'm so grateful that I hit that 10,000 step mark! Yes, it came from walking around West Edmonton Mall (from about 8:30 to 3:00, on and off), and I sure know what my body feels like after accomplishing that! Now ... how do I repeat this? At least once a week? 2. Today - I'm grateful for the time with Carolyn. I think we both needed it - she, with all her burdens, and me with mine. Our discussions were light and serious, full of life lessons and faith struggles. 3. Today - I'm grateful Carolyn asked me to come with her. Yes, in part to get away and to spend time with her. But, I could really help her. She has some kind of eye problem which has the possibility to really affect her life in a bad way, but for this weekend, I could be with her and help her get where she needed. I pray that things will be better than what she's afraid of. 4. Today - I'm grateful that we didn't stay the whole weekend, like I thought might be. I can get home and get some things done for myself! It ended up being a win-win! And, when I got home, I didn't feel guilty about sitting on the sofa! 5. Today - I'm grateful for getting an idea. The idea that the Purple Journal is for. I'm not sure where it will take me, I know I have a hope and a plan, but as life goes, it may or may not come to fruition. But, I know, if I put the effort into it, it WILL take me somewhere! As for the "not-so-good", that is not what this is for!
Not from here! ... just from my little world in Cowtown. And only for a night. But a night is better than nothing!! I haven't had a holiday, a break, a get-away, a anything this year (after Feb.1) ... and so this little escape is a nice treat!
Day's Results
Habits: - Clean Sink: Yup! Emptied it before I left! - Cups of Water: 4 - Hours of sleep: 6h 48m - Meds: yes - Reading: no - FoodRecord: no FitBit Notes: - 4498 steps Goal Advancement for today: Nothing of significance. (E-Environment, H:Health, F:Financial, PD: Prof/Personal Development, R: Relationships.) Gratitude: 1. I'm grateful today that I got to go with CP to Edmonton, especially since she is having problems with her eye so I got to really help her - with driving and other things here. We might not stay as long tomorrow if she is still having problems. It was good to talk about 'girl-things' and get some laughs with her. I miss spending time with her ... however, she spends all her time helping her children and that's good. 2. Today, I'm grateful that I got in to get my eyes tested. Next step - new glasses! 3. Today, I'm grateful that I got a really close parking spot to where my optometrist is! It's hard to find parking spots in the best of times (and I paid $6.00 for just over an hour of parking), but at least it was the same amount as taking the bus downtown! 4. Today, I'm grateful to get proper contacts so I can see really clearly for distance. Closer will have to use reading glasses, and that includes texting! Strange! 5. Today, I'm grateful that my eye doctor gave me two reading glasses free! One for book-reading and one for screen-reading!
I have things here for planning - not sure how much I will get done, but it would be cool to get home tomorrow to get things done. Then, the weekend would be a win-win! and, if we're here for a while, then I'll have tons of things to do! So, for me - win-win either way!
