15 of 100 .... Dragging today

Oh man ... Today was a mixed bag.  A bit of success in one area, not so much in another.  Was cold all day and right now, not feeling so good and hope a good night's sleep will help.  So ... forget the bad, and what can I celebrate about today?


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day
1.  Today, I'm grateful for all the encouragement I've received today from people who are cheering me on!  Sometimes I feel like I'm going at this alone, but today I was reminded by a lot of people that I'm not.  And, that is such a good feeling!  Tomorrow, I will wake and remember everyone who gave me a pat on the back today and dive into it again with renewed vigor!  Thank you!
2.  Today I'm grateful for the beautiful weather.  For so long, people have been complaining and as there is nothing we can do about changing the weather, I'm glad that today, I did not want to change it!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for getting a task done at work that I finally got around to doing.  It wasn't about procrastinating, but that I had to figure out how to manage it with other things. Today, I did. 
4.  Today, I'm grateful for being ready for both meetings of Nicole's, the meetings we weren't supposed to have but then we did.  It was nice to know that my long day paid off yesterday! 
5.  Today, I'm grateful for the muscle medication I took that helped.  I was freezing cold and not feeling well today; these pills helped and now to pop a few more for a hopefully restful (and healing) sleep!




Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water today?  no ... I think I got 3 done.  Because I was cold, I turned to hot tea ... if I'm cold tomorrow, I think I'm going to channel my mother and drink hot water. At least that will meet both criteria!
2.  Empty sink? yes! 
3.  Activity?  no ... tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful (+20), so I am going to get out at lunch.  It will be nice to take a break, as the day might be another long one.
4.  Meals?  I brought my lunch again, and stuck to it (save for the muffin at the beginning).  When I got home, it was about 6:00, and by the time I got something made, it was 7:00 ... I think my upset stomach is because of late eating.  I almost think I'd rather eat nothing (or a piece of fruit) than a full meal at 7:00.  Hmm ...
5. Salad? Fruit?  Salad for lunch, and I had a piece of fruit but didn't eat it. 
6. Meds?  Yup.  That's the key - put them in a container and bring them to work.


Here's to a good night's sleep and a better tomorrow!

14 of 100 ... Another Week

Oh what a long day!  I was glad to get home at 8 PM! And ... in bed by 9:00 ...


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day
1.  Today, I'm grateful for an early start to the day. I actually got up, stopped at Starbucks for an Americano and got to work before 7 AM!!
2.  Today, I'm grateful for making it through the day.  I think I actually got everything done before heading home!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for a warm bed. And that I can go to bed early (as I lay under my covers and get warm!). 
4.  Today, I'm grateful for it being a short week - Friday is a DDO!
5.  Today, I'm grateful for getting my lunch completely ready before crawling into bed.  Nice to know I just have to grab it and run tomorrow!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water today?  finishing off my last cup now!
2.  Empty sink? yes! 
3.  Activity?  no ... no time, or maybe that should read too tired and sore?   
4.  Meals?  Did a bit of a test run today - I brought my lunch and other than the Americano and muffin, I ate only what was in my lunch.  I also got home too late to eat supper so my apple was my supper!
5. Salad? Fruit?  Yes to both - Greek Salad for lunch and an apple later (around 5:30) for a snack. 
6. Meds?  Yup - doled them out and put them in my purse last night.  Tomorrow, they'll be in my lunch kit.


I feel like it's come time to hunker down and challenge myself to make this make a difference.

13 of 100 ... Weekend's Success!

Not much time to write tonight (have to get up and be at work very early tomorrow ... between 6:30 and 7:00, and anyone who knows me well, knows that is a real challenge for me!  I'm doing part of a job for a girl that is going to be away over the next week, and survival tomorrow is going to be my primary goal.  I think I know how to not crash and burn on the weekends!  Let's test it next weekend again and see if the results are the same.


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1. Today, I am grateful for: getting my food for work tomorrow all prepped and in the fridge!  on the menu: Greek Salad with chicken, an apple, veggies, and a few other things.  The plan is to have breakfast before I go ..
2. Today, I am grateful for: having a good, productive day!  Again, not everything checked off, but a few! And that's always a good feeling!
3. Today, I am grateful for: getting focused in the morning and maintaining it throughout the day.
4.  Today, I am grateful for: the weather.  It wasn't horrible (no snow, no rain ... at least from my experience) and when I went out, I did so without a coat.  Maybe spring is here?
5. Today, I am grateful for: the Blackhawks winning their game and moving up in the playoffs!  I'm not a huge hockey fan, but I do like to pick a team and follow them through ... for the last 3 years, it's been the 'Hawks, and here we go again!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water?  Yup!! I found an app to remind me as I wish, and it worked wonderfully!!! One more week of 6 cups and we'll up the amount.
2.  Empty sink?  Yup!! And I washed my dishes 3 times today to make sure!
3.  Activity?  Start of a new week ... all the activity I did was walking around for groceries and some shopping.  Not what I'd consider 'activity'. 


Time to add something new:  I've been doing some thinking and the next area I want to ease into is nutrition.  So, here's the plan:
1.  I want to plan my meals ahead of time and then eat to plan.  As part of this, I want to record everything I eat on those days.  Right now, I'm going to start with planning for 3 days a week.  It might be more, but we'll start this week at 3 days.  (Hence, my ready lunch!) 
2.  In that day of planned meals, I need to include a salad of some sort at lunch or supper and a piece of fruit of some sort throughout the day.  In the past, I take fruit, but I don't always eat it. 
** In honesty, this shouldn't be hard ... until I get home.  That's often where things fall apart.  So, here's to a focused attack on following through on home-life, also!
3.  And one more thing - this shouldn't be hard but I have been slipping recently:  I need to remember to take my medication every day. 


There ... let's start the next week!  ... and off to bed I go ...

(Not sure how to get rid of all this space below ... will attempt another day ...)
Next day ... did it!!

12 of 100 ... Saturday hurdle accomplished!

Last week I bombed on my Saturday; this week was much better!  I made a list last night of what I wanted to accomplish over the weekend and checked off a few items today.  Also, I took my 10-Day Celebration today, which was nice! It wasn't what I planned but it fit well, so I went with it.


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1. Today, I am grateful for: having a good sleep in the last part of the night.  I coughed for most of the night, but around 4:00 I finally fell asleep and it was wonderful!  Waking all warm under the covers on a day that I don't have to be up at 8:00 was delicious. 
2.  Today, I am grateful for: a call from my brother.  Every time I talk to him, I get the nudge that I need to call him more.  Our talks are beneficial, they are inspiring and supportive, I just love him more whenever I talk to him. 
3.  Today, I am grateful for: getting my nails done.  This was my 10-Day Celebration to myself.  And, I got a colour (which is something I rarely do).  So, red nails with purple sparkle over them ... bright and happy! I look at my nails and tell myself I'm on my way!
4. Today, I am grateful for: a productive day.  I made a list and I checked off 3 things from that list, so, all in all, a good day!  Let's see if I can check the same number off again tomorrow ... or more?
5.  Today, I am grateful for: a call from my Aunt Anne.  I'm grateful that she checks in on me and up on me every so often.  I may feel like I don't have family any more, but her calls remind me that I do. 


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water?  yup!  Phil suggested to me that I set an alarm on my clock for every 2.5 hrs and use that as a reminder.  I didn't do it today, but I'll find an app and do it for tomorrow.
2.  Clean sink? yup!  it feels so good to wake up to a clean sink!
3.  20 min activity?  yup!  I found a 20 min walking video on YouTube that was PERFECT for me!  the one thing I have to remember is to wear proper footwear and I think I might even get some insoles for tomorrow.  The side of my calf is a bit sore, and I think it's because of this and last thing I need is to damage myself! So ... I did my 3-days of activity for this last week!! Feels good!


Am I noticing any changes?  I think so.  I am craving water and it feels good to drink it.  I know that my bodily functions are better as a result.  I also am feeling better about my days.  Depression isn't quite a heavy on my shoulders and that's a wonderful feeling! Not even 2 weeks into this and I'm feeling good about it!

11 of 100 ... bring on the Weekend!

Knowing what happened last weekend, I'm determined to not let the same thing happen this weekend!  I have a plan for tomorrow, and it includes all my steps. I'm ready for it!


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1.  Today, I'm grateful for: my AMA membership!  I discovered how far my car goes when the 'empty light' goes on for the gas ... I ran out of gas on the way to work.  I was sooo close!  Not for the first time, I was so grateful or having an AMA membership! They brought some gas, they made sure my car started and they laughed with me.  Yes, so glad also that it was only an empty gas tank!
2.  Today, I'm grateful for: my cell phone.  Not only did it make calling AMA of my situation and notifying the people at work of my late arrival, but it also was my entertainment while I waited!  Thank you, RA, for being awake!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for: EC, an engineer friend from work.  Today, we went for lunch and it was nice to get away from the office!  On her suggestion, we went to Ikea ... I've never ate there before but it wasn't bad!
4.  Today, I'm very grateful for: a new friend from work, LL. I've had lovely discussions with her before, but today she came to me and invited me over for supper sometime, and in the conversation, it also came out that she was asking for a friendship outside of work.  The things she said to me, about how she enjoyed talking to me and wanted to converse outside of work constrictions, the things she said brought tears to my eyes. 
5.  Today, I'm grateful for: the Chinese restaurant that is close to where I live.  It's been closed for a few weeks (family run - they were on holidays), and when I called, they were open today! ... so, Chinese food for supper!  Becoming a tradition with me ... I think he recognizes my voice!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water? almost ... 1 more cup to go!  Won't go to bed until I finish that one!
2.  Empty sink?  easy, yes! A bowl, a spoon and a fork!
3.  20 min of activity?  yes ... I have a video of stretching, so I did 20 min of stretching.  It feels so good!! I'm a little clumsy, but it feels good!


On to Saturday!  Let's make the day a success!!

10 of 100 ... Computer Trauma

Since I'm writing this with my cell phone, it will be shorter than normal. 

Gratitude experiences for Today:
1. Today I am grateful for: leaving work early (I worked late last night with no overtime pay, so I left early today but still outside the expected core hours).
2.  Today I am grateful for: spending some uninterrupted time reading. I miss reading! 
3.  Today I am grateful for: it being warmer outside than the weather they were predicting! (The weekend ain't looking so great!)
4.  Today I am grateful for: my cell phone so I can still post here!
5.  Today I am grateful for: finding a great music station on the television!! 

Stepping Out of the Rut:
- 6 cups of water? 5 down, 1 more to go! 
- 20 min activity? Not today ... Which means tomorrow has to be yes and Sat., too.  As they are the last 2 days of the week!! 
- clean sink? Will do it as soon as I log out of here. Then to bed I go! (After the 1 more cup of water!!) 


PS ... used my cell phone to trouble-shoot my computer problem and solved it myself!  I still think I need to take her to the doctor's for a check-up. 

9 of 100 .... Middle of the Week

I am finding myself going through my day with 2 things constantly on my mind - What will be the next moment of gratitude in my day? And ... how many more cups of water do I have still to drink??  I was busy all day today, and left work at 6:30.  That makes for a long day! Tomorrow is going to be my first marker - my first 10 days!  I'm trying to come up with something small to honour the day ... I don't want to spend money, I wonder if there's something online for this sort of thing?


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1. Today, I am grateful for: my parents. Today would have been their 55th wedding anniversary.  I am grateful that they met and married because that brought me into the world.  I'm grateful that they showed me that it is possible to stay together even when things get tough.  Remembering how my father cared for my mother in her last days is something that had a profound effect on me:  what a testimony to their relationship!
2.  Today, I am grateful for: my years of teaching.  Today marked William Shakespeare's 450th birthday and whenever I heard it mentioned, I did pause and express my gratitude for my teaching years.  I think sometimes I learned more than my students!  Some days I really miss it ... today was one of those days.
3.  Today, I am grateful for: getting a few important appointments booked.  I changed my hair appointment, I scheduled an appointment to have my winter tires taken off and I booked an appointment with Dr. Lategan (hematologist for my health follow up, after meeting with the thoracic surgeon). 
4.  Today, I am grateful for: the energy I'm starting to feel within myself.  It feels that I've been so tired and lifeless for so long, and, I'm not sure why, but I feel like there is an energy building in me, the desire to change things, and the oomph to make it happen! Maybe the need for more money, maybe the feeling like I'm being wasted, maybe something entirely different ... whatever, the vibration that begins at the start of change has begun. 
5.  Today, I am grateful for: welcoming RA on this journey with me!  I'm so glad she's going to be challenging herself to get out of her own ruts!! Welcome!!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water? yup!  might be making a midnight run to the loo, but I got the  done!
2.  20 activity minutes? not today.  Weather is going to be crap tomorrow, so I'm thinking it's time to pull out an exercise video to practice tomorrow!
3.  empty sink? absolutely! (it was easy ... fingers crossed that I continue that after a day of baking and cooking!)


http://zenhabits.net/reward-yourself-without-spending-lot/ guess what?  I know my reward!  I'm going to book myself an hour long massage for Friday ... and make sure I get reimbursed through my company!! :-)

8 of 100 ... Good Day, Bad Computer

Ok ... going to take responsibility for this, only because my computer DID go one when I turned it on a few min ago ... you see, after the last blog entry, it decided to go to a black screen and say some things that had me worried.  I was hesitant to turn it on in case it would tell me that it was infected. As you can see, I'm typing, so it must not be that bad!  However, it seems like a visit to some computer tech might be in my near future!  I tried to log on today from work, but not sure if I was doing something wrong (likely) or if the IT department had something blocked or not updated ... either way, I could not get online. 


Again ... I am posting for yesterday.  (I made notes so that I wouldn't forget what I wanted to write!)


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day. (for Tuesday)
1.  Today, I am grateful for: a free lunch!  Our manager took all of the Administrative Assistants out for lunch to a nice place (Red Water Grill). As this is about gratitude, I'm making no negative comment on this incident.  It was very nice to be recognized and had a lovely meal.  I chose healthy (drank water over any other drink! ... we couldn't have liquor because it was during the work-day), and my meal was fabulous! There were 12 of us in all, I think.
2.  Today, I am grateful for: the lovely weather and since I had my runners at work, I walked to the restaurant and back!  Things were a bit stiff but it sure felt good to get out and do it!
3.  Today, I am grateful for: getting my taxes done!  I always have such good intentions, get part of it together, and somehow I'm scrambling at the last minute.  Well, since I had no clue if I was going to owe the government or vise versa, I had one last document to find, I found it and got it done tonight!  Thank goodness! (I owe ...)
4. Today, I am grateful for: having the opportunity to learn NL's position.  It feels so good to stretch my brain muscles again!  (I hope the rest of my body says that when I begin to stretch those muscles, also!)
5. Today, I am grateful for: the free flower packet I got from work today for Earth Day.  For zinnias ... mom used to plant them, and when I read the back, they seemed easy enough.  Last year, I wanted to plant something but never did ... now, I'm looking forward to the weather being nice enough to see how my attempt at planting flowers goes!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water - done!  I had one cup left for when I got home. 
2.  empty sink? - well, since I didn't eat much at home, there was nothing to wash.  Not a practice I want to continue!
3.  20 min. activity?  yup!!! walking to the restaurant! It was a perfect 20 min ... 10 min there, and 10 min back! perfect start to this, right?


So, all in all, a good day.  I have to say that I am feeling the urge to always have a water bottle with me ... and that's a good thing, right?

7 of 100 ... Return to Strength

A good day - spread out my water nicely throughout the day and a good day at work. Monday and a long week.  How easy it is to get used to a 4-day week!

Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1.  Today, I am grateful for: getting up in time to have a shower in the morning!  I enjoy starting the day with a shower but it means getting up sooo early! Today, I managed it!
2.  Today, I am grateful for: finding the last document I need to get my taxes done and making an appointment for tomorrow night!  Often I leave it until the last minute, and I didn't this year! 
3. Today, I am grateful for: beautiful weather again.  Definitely made me want to be outside!  It's supposed to get yucky later this week, and though I didn't bring running shoes today (I have an extra pair), I'm taking them tomorrow to keep at work and let's see what happens at lunch!
4.  Today, I am grateful for: getting to bed before 10 PM.  (I have 10 more min to finish this up and dive into bed!)
5.  Today, I am grateful for: getting an appointment lined up for the thoracic surgeon.  I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I don't know enough so at least it's getting dealt with sooner rather than later!

Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
1.  6 cups of water - done!  Actually, I only had 1 more cup to drink upon coming home so that was awesome!! need to continue that ... 1 cup before I leave home in the morning, 4 cups at work (2 before lunch, 2 after lunch), and then 1 when I get home.  Perfecto!!
2.  Clean sink?  - yuppers!  Such  a good feeling when I wake up and come home!
3.  Activity today?  no, but with the running shoes with me tomorrow, if it's not raining, I will do so tomorrow at lunch!

Going to make it to bed by 10 ... no time to read tonight!

6 of 100 ... Happy Easter!

I mentioned on my Facebook that I need to be careful, or holidays are going to be no different than weekends.  And I know that it is up to me to change things.  I will not invite myself so there needs to be other alternatives to be found. This was a difficult weekend in a lot of ways, traits to reflect on, to address and deal with.  Let's see if, in the remaining 94 days, I can find a way to positively deal with some of this. 


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1.  Today, I am grateful for: being able to help out a friend.  She needed to be picked up from the airport and I'm so grateful that she asked me and that I was able to help her. 
2.  Today, I am grateful for: spending time listening to one of my favourite speakers, Rob Bell.  I love how he uses history and cultural understanding to reveal a perspective to the bible that I can embrace.  I don't often listen to long messages, and today I took the time, and that was a nice way to spend Easter. 
3.  Today, I am grateful for: a text from a friend that I don't know really well and don't spend much time with.  She is someone that is more a friend to another friend of mine, so it was a definite moment of gratitude when she remembered me and sent me a text wishing me a wonderful day!
4.  Today, I am grateful for: a truly beautiful day.  It really feels like spring has begun! 
5.  Today, I am grateful for: the gracious gift of redemption.  I'm not going to get into what I believe, but I can't let the day go without a nod to what this day means to me.  Because of this day, believe in grace and I believe in a new life.  A bit ironic that this self-challenge is just gearing up at this time!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
I'm going to start with setting forth two more steps to add to this journey out of the rut:  (a) Starting today, I will go to bed with a clean sink every night (save, perhaps 1-2 items).  There's something about starting the day with an empty sink that is empowering and energizing.  This is a new habit that will be forever more.  (b) Starting today, over a week-span (which is Sunday to Saturday), I will do some sort of activity a minimum of 3 times a week (to start).  The activity needs to be at least 20 min in length and it can be anything, inside or outside.  So, between now and the end of next Saturday, a minimum of 3 activity endeavours. This comes from not going for a walk today and having that be part of that comment earlier, so what better thing than turn it into a do-able goal?
1. 6 cups of water - Drank 3 cups of water, and 3 cups of tea.  Not quite meeting the goal, is it?
2.  Empty sink - yes, that is done.
3.  Activity today?  no ... hence the above comments. 


I know the first 10 days is coming soon (on Thursday) ... I wonder what how I should celebrate it and recognize that achievement?  Let's see how the next 4 days go.


On that note, time to turn this around tomorrow!  Like my mom used to say - shit or get off the pot!! There are lessons in setbacks, so learn, change and put it behind me!  Definitely going to remember this come this Friday!!

5 of 100 ... My First Oops

Well, I don't think I can turn this back a day, but I'm going to write for yesterday first.  Later, I will write for today.  I said the weekends will be tough, I am now certain and will need to make a huge focus on those days.  Somehow I am going to have to put things in place to make sure that the weekend is just as focused and productive as the week days, and that missing a day never happens again.  It's not that I completely ignored things yesterday, but that somehow I never took (found?) the time ... I was home by 10:30 ... and then it was 4:00 AM ... and then it was Easter morning.  This is not about an excuse, but accepting that I slipped and seeking what triggers that, learning from it, and putting things into place so it doesn't happen again. Hmm ...


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day. (written as from yesterday, Saturday)
1.  Today, I am grateful for: spending time with a friend VG and realizing that I really am more optimistic that pessimistic these days, that maybe I am leaving the negativity behind me! She was so "heavy" and though I could point to what "her problem" was, until she is ready to take action against it, it will make my words fall on deaf ears. 
2.  Today, I am grateful for: being able to be present for MP, who has gone through incredible difficulties since December and for whom I have such admiration.  To walk through a life where her husband has a life-changing accident, her daughter gets into a horrible car accident, her mother is coming to the end of her life and needs her daughter's care and she has to hold down 2 jobs to keep the family together, oh please lord, give MP strength to continue!  Yes, no matter how bad I think I have it, someone always has it worse, and today I was reminded of that and actually thought my world is good right now.
3.  Today, I am grateful for: getting out and enjoying a place of activity and music: Ranchman's.  It's been a long time since I've been in a place like that, and really need to do it more often.  Granted, the band was excellent (so wonderful to see Abbey again!), but not only being reminded of an opportunity, but maybe actually doing something about it soon.  Time will tell. (I speak of taking dance lessons there - getting out, socializing and doing something!  Now, to get VG to commit to joining me!)
4.  Today, I am grateful for: having some nice quiet downtime at the end of the day.
5.  Today, I am grateful for: discovering a novel series that I really enjoyed in the past has been turned into a TV series, to start in the summer.  Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series completely captured my imagination when I first read it many years ago.  Well, I read the first two books (they're huge!) and now I want to read them again, completing the series for the coming episodes this summer! 


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
6 Cups of Water - ironically, I had no problem getting my 6 glasses today.  I drank some I the morning, and when I went out with VG for supper, I had 4 cups there. First time I didn't get something else to drink with dinner but stuck to water!  That was a very nice success in the day!


So ... next weekend ... maybe not leave it until the end of the day?  If I can sit and write my 5 gratitude moments and if I have drank my 6 cups, maybe I should write when I can do that instead of waiting until the end of the day? Worth a try.

4 of 100 ... Entering into First Weekend

Yup, keeping up during the weekend will be the hard part.  I'm going to try to get this written in the last minutes of Friday ... wish me luck!


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1.  Today, I am grateful for: a lazy day where I stayed in my pjs all day - I'm enjoying it but also determined to make this the last such day in a long time!
2.  Today, I am grateful for: giving my place a nice cleaning!  It's always nice to do it all in one shot rather than room by room.  Now, I can go back and start 'deep cleaning' or spring cleaning! 
3.  Today, I am grateful for: finally writing in my new journal!  I was going to wait until the 'perfect day' to start it, but why wait?  Any day is a perfect day to start something new!
4.   Today, I am grateful for: a lovely call from my friend Jim.  I had felt a little guilty at not really recognizing Good Friday and we had a great talk about this day and how to celebrate it for the Christian.  I decided I want to do some thinking on that and establish my own traditions for next year. 
5.  Today, I am grateful for: getting caught up on some of the series I watch.  I pvr a lot of series and I got a couple completely caught up today ... that's a good feeling!


Part 2: Steps out of the Rut
6 Cups of water:  I am finishing up my last cup right now.  This is why the weekend is going to be tough for me, it's so easy to say 'later' and I don't want to continue that.  Tomorrow, I'm going to do things a bit differently and let's see if they bring different results!  Ok ... hitting the key ... did I make it before midnight?  I don't think so ...

3 of 100 ... Pushing On

I know it's only the third day, but knowing that I'm not the only one reading is certainly a feeling of pressure to not give in, to stay true to the goal, and to keep on going.  Today wasn't hard (as I'm thinking days in the future would be), but the feeling to 'just skip tonight' definitely was felt.  Instead, I'm pushing past that thought and making my entry.


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
1.  Today, I am grateful for: not washing my car when I wanted to do it the other day.  With the rain and messy conditions on the street, not only would it be wasted money, but also wasted time.  Shall hang in there a few more days; they say nice weather is coming.  They said it would be today, but they lied.  Oh well ... into a long weekend with crappy weather ... at least I didn't wash my car!!
2. Today, I am grateful for: finding out that one of my favourite performers is about to release a new album and I listened to a song off the album!  Jill Barber is a different kind of jazz singer, kind of music from the 1940s, sultry, sexy, fun.  I have two of her recordings, I don't have her French CD, but a new one is coming out in June!  She is also coming to the Calgary Folk Festival this summer, but I'm not sure I want to spend a day's entrance for the one concert.  Maybe, I'll find someone to go with by then?  Keeping that door open for now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikFDpYcAkRs to hear the song. 
3. Today, I am grateful for: my little heating pad.  I miss my cute electric blanket that I got before Christmas ... today would have been the perfect day to come home and snuggle under it.  However, since I don't have it anymore (blame WestJet! ... will replace it this coming October), I was so grateful that I had a little electric heating pad and my little feather blanket.  It kept me toasty on the sofa!
4.  Today, I am grateful for: the free lunch.  When we order catering from Quiznos, they include a free sub for the person who ordered ... so, a nice treat for lunch!
5.  Today, I am grateful for: the long weekend ahead.  I did some dreaming today about the goals to add, and am looking forward to a weekend to get some things done for myself and for this endeavour of mine.  I don't have many plans for this weekend, but that's ok.  I am going to enjoy it on my own!


Part 2 - Steps out of the Rut
6 Cups of water a day - I loved that RA asked if I had drank any water yet when she texted me around 9:00 AM!  And ... I had.  That was a wonderful feeling!  I did get all my water drank today, but was scrambling to finish the last bit about an hour ago.  A good thing to note:  I think I'm sensing a bit of a balance beginning in me.  Maybe it's just that I'm becoming more hydrated and my body is responding to that, and that's a good thing!  So far, I'm not only achieving my goal, but am starting to see a small change! ... very soon will be ready to add another step!! (Excited about that!  oh, which one to choose??)


So ... now going into a weekend.  I've found that in some ways, it's easier to stick to a plan when I'm at work, but when I come home, it often goes out the window.  I'm determined to continue this throughout the weekend; maybe I can set the stage for continued success as I add more steps?

2 of 100 ... Second Day in a Row!

Oooo! Look! Another day!  Fingers crossed that I can keep the momentum going! I have to say that I find it interesting - it goes through my head frequently throughout the day that all I have to do is get my 6 cups of water drank.  That's it!  For right now, 6 cups ... and that's very do-able!


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
Not as plentiful as yesterday, but it was really nice to go through the day, watching for what would come that I was grateful for ... and here's my list, no particular order:
1. Today, I am grateful for: feeling that when people at work were glad of my news, they really seemed genuine, that they, as a person, were truly glad that I was going to be ok. Not because I worked with them, not because I was a human with them on this planet, but because it was me with whom they shared in my joy. 
2.  Today, I am grateful for: the fact that though it snowed, it was the pretty kind of snowing AND that it almost completely melted when it hit the ground.  Very little will be left.  It really wasn't that cold ... so I'm glad it was warm-ish, pretty-ish and wet.
3.  Today, I am grateful for: the visit to the dermatologist.  We got a plan to see if it will eliminate the rash, and in the midst of it, she also froze off two skin abnormalities and took a biopsy of another potential basal cell skin cancer spot.  If it is, very grateful that came from today's visit!
4.  Today, I am grateful for: getting to sleep in a little bit this morning!  It is always nice to not have to get up at 6 AM.  I know that I have to keep the momentum going, but snuggling under the warm blanket in the morning is always a treat!
5.  Today, I am grateful for: It's Wednesday and there's only one more day to the weekend!  Four-day work weeks are still such a treat!  And I think I'm going to be in bed by 9:30 tonight! Yippee!!


Part 2 - Steps out of the Rut
Six cups of water a day ... I think I need to make a concerted effort to drink 2 before noon, 2 after noon, and then there's only 2 left for home.  Today, 2 were drank after lunch, leaving 4 for home.  I'm on the last cup right now, and will definitely get it done.  The bad thing about drinking so much after getting home is the need to visit the powder room more than normal.  And, since I desire to sleep through the night, I need to space out my water more throughout the day and less after 8 PM.  So ... (just a sec) ... there we go!  Down the hatch!  Success again! 

1 of 100 ... It Begins

This blog will take two, maybe three parts, depending on the day.  Today, two.


Part 1 - Gratitude Moments in my Day.
Wow!  Today, there were many!! I need to remember days like today when the little gifts came frequently!
1. Today, I am grateful for: the biggest and best part - no lymphoma!! I said to the doctor, 'So, I can walk out of here hearing you say that I do NOT have cancer?"  He said, he's 95% sure ... and if I do have cancer, it isn't lymphoma.  It's not over yet, but, in my books, the worst is behind me.  Maybe I'm even born this way?
2. Today, I am grateful for: all the messages from friends today, all the encouragement and knowing that even though I walked into the appointment alone, I wasn't.  I came back to so many prayers from people!  I am certain I was calm during the appointment because of these prayers. 
3.  Today, I am grateful for: the hug I got from NL before leaving work for my appointment.  I was so wanting of human touch and this hug could not have been timed any better if it had been planned!
4.  Today, I am grateful for: the impromptu invite from AY, for the fantastic conversation and a delightful movie Stay.  More times than I can count, I've been blessed by former students and today was another such day.
5. Today, I am grateful for: the strength I felt throughout the day that did not come from me - from friends who were in regular contact, to a moment of prayer when I felt the load lift, to the joy that came through that strength when I walked out of the appointment, knowing that this part of the journey is behind me!


Part 2 - Steps out of the Rut
Yesterday, I set forth that starting today, NO EXCEPTIONS, NO EXCUSES, NEVER RETURN - I am going to drink 6 cups of water each and every day.  This is the first of what will be many new healthy additions to my life.  How did I do?  Well, I was successful!  6 cups of water today!  I also had coffee and tea, but I took a bottle of water with me everywhere, even into the appointment!  I think I am going to add lemon tomorrow ...


Tomorrow ... more gratitude and another 6 cups of water!

The Premise ...

     I feel the need to lay out my ground rules.  Things are open to change to change,  but if this is to do what I want it to do, there needs to be a foundation on which to build my new "home".  This blog idea is coming at a key point in my life and developed from a recent conversation with my friend, RA.  We got into a discussion about "ruts in life", and I remembered another conversation with my brother about 'wheel-spinners' or people who go nowhere because all they do is spin their wheels and go no where in life.  And, I realized I am spinning my wheels; I have created that rut for myself.
     I'm 50 years old and I feel like the best of my life is behind me.  And yet, I know better than that.  I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can change and that I can change my reality.  So, here, I am going to challenge myself.  I'm going to take a new direction and I will hold myself accountable here.  It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is easy.  So, read on and maybe you can identify with me, maybe you can encourage me, maybe you can give me guidance or help me; but, if nothing else, you can bear witness to what will become of me.
    
     Let's start with this rut.  What does it look like for me?  Well, I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I find something for supper, I watch TV and I do it again tomorrow.  I have very little of a social life, I spend a lot of time alone - some of which I enjoy, some of which I don't.  I'm not challenged in my job, I'm not challenged in my life and I don't feel like I'm contributing the most I can to this world around me.  Simply, I'm not making a difference to anyone and I'm barely making a difference to myself.  I'm not eating healthy, I'm not living healthy.  This has not always been like this, this isn't how I started ... there have been many times when my life has been much different.  However, because of responses and choices, this is where I am now.  So be it ... but I don't have to stay in this rut. 
     Which brings me to the next question:  If I stepped out of this rut, what would that look like?  What would my life be like outside of the rut?  Hmmm ...

• I would be healthy, a healthy weight and healthy inside.  I would be pain-free, I could exercise and play sports, go hiking and enjoy a quality of life that seems to be slipping from me now.
• I would be socially active.  I would have friends that are positive and encouraging, people who have journeyed down difficult roads but have overcome obstacles and achieved goals and can provide a framework and safe place for me to be as I do the same.  I would be active in something where I'm giving me to others.  I might even be dating!  And, when I'm alone, I would enjoy the time ... reading, crafting, writing, pursuing things that give me nourishment and joy.
• I would be in a career where my job is making a difference to others, where I'm helping become more of who they are and where I look forward to every day and all that it will bring.  I look forward to waking and anticipate what is about to be.
• My world is "in its place" and my day is balanced.  I feel alive and engaged in all that life has to offer.  I am active in my life.  I am loved and I love.

     Ok ... now the question comes:  how do I get "there" from "here"?  How do I leave here behind, step forth and make there my new here?


     On April 15th, 2014, tomorrow, my world is going to change, either because medicine will tell me so or because I am determined to make it so.  The stress of the last years, since leaving teaching in June 2008, have been peppered with the pain of loss, of health problems, of struggles and tears and confusion; of taking one step at a time because that's all the strength I have.  I've had more brushes with death than I care to count.  And, it feels that everything has been heading to the 15th.  Tomorrow, I will find out if I have cancer or not.  I do not feel that I do, I do not believe that I do.  And at this time tomorrow, I will know if I'm right or if I'm wrong.
     I've concluded that regardless of what the answer is, I'm going to start my 100 Day Challenge on this day.  I'm going to challenge myself to change, to accept where I am and see what change can come in 100 days.  And here's I'm going to do it:
  1. The foundation of this is going to be gratitude - come here to this blog every day and list 5 things I am grateful for, 5 things in that day where I can pause and whisper my gratitude to God for giving that experience to me today.
  2.  Upon that foundation, I'm going to establish specific changes to add to my life and I will document the entering into those changes.  Those changes will come from where I am at and what I need to do to move towards stepping out of that rut, what I need to do to remove myself from that rut and leave it behind me, moving into balance and life.
  3.  This is going to happen by adding things to my life.  Removal will be a natural consequence but I don't want to focus on the negative but the positive:  adding is positive.  For example, right now, I know one thing I want to add is to drink more water.  I've dabbled with this in the past, but enough with dabbling!  So, I'm putting forth that beginning that first day, beginning tomorrow, Day 1, I am also going to drink a minimum of 6 cups of water a day.  I'll increase it, but because this is about positivity, about success and change, I refuse to bite off so much that I throw up right away, so I'm starting with 6 cups because I know I can do that and will increase it on a later day.
  4.  As part of each 'step' towards what I want, each committed addition to my life, are the words: NO EXCEPTIONS, NO EXCUSES, NEVER RETURN.  This is a given.
  5.  As mentioned, I am starting on April 15th as I know that will be a pivotal day in my life.  It will last from April 15 through July 23.  As part of this, I also need to establish some kind of reward for those days, based on whatever I set forth to equal "success".  I will consider intermediary 'treats' for every 10 days.  And, on completing my 100 Day Challenge, some kind of celebration.  Who knows, maybe I'll challenge myself to another 100 days on July 24th!!
  6.  When I came out of the discussion with RA, she mentioned that all self-help books she had read seemed to fall into one of two categories: (1) be grateful for what you have, OR (2) you are capable of more and you deserve more and here's how you do it! I'm trying to find something in between - I know gratitude is important, so that is the beginning point.  All starts with acknowledging the gifts I have already.  But gratitude alone can only get you so far and might be a step or two out of the rut but won't leave the rut behind.  Therefore, from there, I know myself and I will set the change and step into it as I am ready.  This is not a cop-out, but a gradual adding, another step to getting out of the rut.  As I strengthen on the step taken, I'll take another step ... and as I make those steps, I will be leaving the rut behind.  Watch and see how it is done.  I present my 100 Day Challenge as the example.
  7.  I am going to invite friends to do their own 100 Day Challenge with me, but if they do, there needs to be some commonality in our individual steps out of our individual ruts.  Kind of like AA or like WW, there a higher likelihood for success when done together with another.  So, I think the log/blog and the 5 gratitude moments are the common part; the steps are their own.  In the blog, we can encourage each other, support each other and maybe even set points of celebration together.


This is the night before ... my last night as "me", the old me, the me that's in the rut.  There is a thread of concern for tomorrow and the results it will bring, a piece of worry as to what tomorrow will hold.  But I don't feel like crying, I don't feel like falling apart.  I intend to sleep tonight and go to work tomorrow.  I do have to confess - the worst part will be going in to the appointment alone and listening to the results alone.  This is the one time in my life that I wish I had someone to hold my hand when I hear the results, someone to hug me in that moment.  I wish for human contact.  But since it isn't to be, and I will hold tight in my mind and my heart with the thought that others care and are thinking of me, I will do it alone.  It won't be the same ... nothing can truly replace human touch, but it's better than nothing. And really, what choice do I have?  Just like the other times, this will be the one step I can do.  And so I shall.  And, with it comes the challenge ... so, here and now:  I challenge myself to change!! Enough is enough!

So, if you are ready, this all begins tomorrow!  I look forward to tomorrow!  Here we go!

L'Hayyim!  or L'Chaya ... because I'm a female!!  :-)