Ikigai Part 3 - Values Exercise

The other day, I went on a small hunt to do a deeper dive into values, on what is important to me. Obviously, if things are not settled in my life, there's a reason. If I'm not happy, something must not be lining up. And there's a good chance it has to do with my values. I have felt unhappy for a long time, and with this journal exercise, I had a chance to do a bit more reflection into various areas. The thing about learning one's Ikigai, those things that are of utmost importance for me and to me are part of the puzzle. 

I think I've sacrificed ... maybe stronger values for lesser values, and that might be why I'm in the situation I am? For example - I worked for 4-5 years for a nonprofit agency. And, there was "value" in it - I enjoyed working with adults, I enjoyed helping others (random calls where I could encourage someone gave me pleasure, and creating the visual for marketing was something I enjoyed), but there were things I sacrificed, and I didn't realize how serious that was until after. I was told more than once that the job was 'beneath' me, but I assured them that that was ok with me. And it was. And, at the same time, there were values that were not lived out and I suffered. That is something very difficult for me to say ... and difficult to realize. 

A few notes ... (found on MindTools)

• Values are the highest things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.
• Values determine your priorities and are the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to
• When what you do and the way you live match your values, life is good. If not, then things are wrong. 
• Life is easier when you know and acknowledge your values. It can help with job choice, accepting things, compromising, starting your own business, following tradition, and establishing priorities.
  

So, let's do these exercises and see what comes of them ... 

Step 1: Identify the times when you were happiest (personal and professional)

• When I helped with Mainstage and did my own production, Anne of Green Gables and the clowning show
• When I created some wonderful lessons that excited me - the poetry intro, the short story unit, working with the gifted student
• When I spent time writing, lost in my creations
• When I listened to the "right" music while creating 
• When I did some traveling on my own, my 'birthday runaways', my trips to Manitoba
• When I could spend time with people, talking and listening and finding the right questions for them to discover for themselves 
• Was I with others? sometimes yes, sometimes no ... who? people who were curious, who could converse, who asked questions and offered ideas. 
• Other factors? discussion, creation, environment of peace, autonomy, spiritual and self-connection, support.

Step 2: Identify the times when you were most proud

• This is tough. I have sealed myself off from experiencing this feeling; it's not something I've thought was 'right' ... but, if I push that aside, if I reframe the word 'proud', what might be there? 
• Graduating from university - when I was not encouraged to do so
• Getting high grades, particularly on my English and Religious Ethics papers
• Spending a year in Korea - during the economic crash of 1995
• My Anne of Green Gables production - me and 'my kids'
• My poetry win
• The first Conqueror Challenge (and every one since!) 
• My surgery success
• All the former students who have remained in touch with me over the years
• Did others share my pride? Yes - when I did Anne with my cast. They were amazing. 
• Other factors? creativity, doing something when others did not encourage it and I had the strength to continue on, when I survived something that was difficult, when I achieved something that, for me, was something great. When I was able to work hard and complete/achieve something. People. Connection to others in a different way.

Step 3: Identify the times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied

• Need/desire fulfilled: completion, community, contribution, recognition, inner gratitude and peace
• How did they give my life meaning: I was needed, I contributed, I achieved in the face of odds and conflict, I lived up to my potential (this was not often, but it happened occasionally)
• Other factors: learning, stepping out of comfort zone, community, joy, hard work, resilience

Step 4: Determine Top Values, based on these (with list)

• Achievement
• Excellence
• Self-Actualization
• Community
• Growth
• Hard work
• Creativity
• Intelligence
• Joy
• Making a difference

I want to insert something here: I did another check of values and the following were on that list: Community, Grace, Growth, Helping, Honesty, Individuality, Integrity, Learning, Money, Peace, Spirituality, Truth, Voice, Wisdom. You will note that 'money' is very much an outlier, but it is definitely a value of mine that I have neglected. I have often done things for others, not expecting anything in return, and it's not that I regret that. What I regret is that somehow I have not found a way to 'pay' myself to show myself that what I do and what I offer does have value, fiscal value. It's sad that I have to put focus on that, but I do. If I don't, I will end up right where I find myself now. 

Step 5: Prioritize your top values

For the first list, my top 5 would be (no order): Making a Difference, Creativity, Community, Growth, and Achievement. Can I note: 'Achievement' does not necessarily mean something like my university degree (though that is one), but it also means completing something, doing something that makes me feel that I've struggled against something and come out on top, either with other's help or on my own. If I were to identify my top 3 from that list: Making a Difference, Creativity, Growth

From the second list, my top 5 would be: Integrity, Voice, Truth, Wisdom, Spirituality, and Learning ... and the top 3 would be Integrity, Learning, Spirituality. 

Can I come up with my top 3 from both lists? Integrity, Making a Difference, Learning. And ... one that is not on any ... Mystery. I value the question, the unknown, the wondering, the mystic. 

Personal Observations

I think it's important to realize that the rest of the values are also important to me. If something comes into my realm and it is a value but not part of these here, then it could lead me to a place of dissatisfaction or a sense of distress. I know Money is in my final list, but with the way my life has been without it, I definitely realize that it is crucial. WITH money, the others can be focused on and developed; WITHOUT money, everything derails and I crumble. I also crumble when there is no learning, no integrity, no contribution, no autonomy. ... that's interesting. A different way of looking at values would be what contributes to that 'breaking and crumbling inside' when it happens. 

Maybe, along with examining things around when you are most proud or most happy or most fulfilled, it would be good to look at the other side as well - when are you most crushed, most unhappy, most empty, and what might that show as well? 

I'm thinking of some decisions I made recently - decisions that I made that tapped into my values of money, making a difference, helping, community. These values are in them, but something is not sitting right with me. Looking over these answers, I can see that my decisions have to do with others, but not myself. *I* am not being nourished, I am not nourishing myself - that is where the learning and the creativity and the mystery are absent. My thought - this can be ok for right now, but not for the long run. And, plans need to be made for their completion so that I can turn to my own growth and achievements. 

Hmm ... that's interesting. In that way, I didn't realize that before. There are values, but there is also a hierarchy and there are different kinds of values ... and to be altruistic and ignore the self can lead one to difficult places. I remember times when I was told/taught that the 'other' is more important than the 'me', that focus on 'me' is selfish and not what an (x) type of girl/person does. But you know what? if I don't help myself be happy, who will? And, when I am happy, then I can give better to others, too. Is that being selfish? How does one find their way through that, especially when you are the only one? 

Somehow this thought of 'you are selfish when' needs to change. That is something to address. I don't have an answer but I know there is something in there that needs to be unearthed. Something there is part of this here. For another time.

Ikigai Part 2 - My Values and My Possibilities

 I began this with a reflection on the four parts of Amanda Kudo's book My Little Ikigai Journal. For this entry, I will reflect a bit more on the last two parts - what are my Values and my Possibilities. 

My Values – In this section, she asks questions about what is important and has worth to you, including questions around where your spending is done, what unanswered questions do you have, where is that line-in-the-sand for you; if you opened a treasure chest, just for you, of all the things you own, what would be in it? She gives a long list of values, to select the 10 most important, and then the three top from there, and others. A lot of my answers include things like the following ... 

• Things that have really spoken to me: To Kill A Mockingbird (novel), Pride and Prejudice (movie with Knightly and McFadyen), Dead Poet's Society (movie), poems, Hunting Magic Eels (book), Hagitude (book), The Monastic Heart (book) ... why? beauty, passion, purpose, connection, mysticism
• My 20-item bucket list (not complete): writing books, going away on a retreat, seeing Harry Connick Jr and Diana Krall in concert, find & live my brand, go back to Concordia for Christmas Concert and Homecoming once more, get my shit cleaned up, stay at a Landmark Trust location, spend time with my niece and nephew again, go to Thailand and cycle through it, go on a spiritual retreat, and reconcile with my brother. 
• Things that have irrevocably changed my life in some way: going to Korea, going to university, losing my brother, when I was told my values don't matter. (I suspect my current poverty might become one of these as well.) 
• Things tugging at me: elder orphans, what it means to age with power and compassion and grace, animosity in the world, spinning my wheels, wondering who would find me if I died. 
• Unanswered questions: How do I start again? How can I figure things out before it's too late? The 'loss of voice' in our world is bothering me, not only for the individual but for the various groups ... groups that are not 'in', that are 'canceled', that are being redefined. There's a scene in The Man in the High Castle where they bring down Lady Liberty and the cheering that ensues. It feels almost prophetic in a way. And it makes me ill. There is also something growing about any time people are divided into groups of some sort, whether it is because of the colour of their skin whether it is because of what they believe or who they voted for, whether it's because of their age or their educational standing or culture ... all of it when it becomes your ... ideology? it becomes toxic and dangerous. Anything that divides, destroys. The unanswered question - how can people see that ALL sides can cause destruction and not just 'the other'? 
• Things I want others to say about me: that I was professional, that I was a person of compassion for everyone, that they learned something when they were with me, that I listened more than I talked and I did both with Truth, that they enjoyed spending time with me, that I gave of myself, that they are better in some way for having spent time with me. 
• My one hill to die on: love for all, community in diversity, collective in differences, something to do with education without ideology. 
• My five items in my treasure chest: my books (knowledge, understanding, growth), my feather blanket (warmth, comfort, safety), my computer (communication, writing, creativity), my Christmas tree candles (beauty, redemption, struggle with purpose), my journal (reflection, discovery, growth, struggle, inspiration). 
• My mantras: Love Wins; I am loved I am redeemed; Sin Boldly; Unique Traits & One Race - The Human Race.
• My central values: Authenticity, Community, Compassion, Grace, Growth, Honesty, Individuality, Integrity, Love, Peace, Resilience, Wisdom, Truth, Voice.

My Possibilities – In this section, she asks questions about where you can make a difference, how you see the world, what places are calling to you, and where your unique character can help others, including noticing where others ask you for help, what has been sitting on the back burner for a while, needs noticed where you wish you could help, what would you do if you could not fail, when did you hold back, "take back the NOT", what brings fulfillment-meaning-joy into life, what drains you, a hidden gift, if you were given a million dollars, or the end of your life in six months, among others. A lot of my answers include things like the following ...

• Writing a book comes up a lot, but never find the time to do it. Including traveling alone and writing as I do this. 
• Needs that affect me: human devastation, people caught up in fear, Orphans in between. 
• Could not fail? create a course that radically changes people to be purposeful, empowered, knowing self better, connected to external (humility), absence of fear, more aware, more compassionate, eradication of labels. A community of tiny homes for people who have no one.
• Places I've held back: getting my master's, valuing myself.
• Taking back the NOT (list 'not' phrases I was told and then remove the not) and what is left: Not go to university, not go to Korea, not be involved with the high school theatre program. I did them all. (Makes me ponder what is my 'not' list right now?) 
• "Perfect fit" experiences: connecting with others, inspiring and walking with others, working with a sense of autonomy and trust, when I was nose-deep in learning, time to read, time to write
• Not working well: no purpose, no contribution, no connection, not making a difference.
• Hidden gifts: my planner, my poem, my 'sense'. 
• When were things right: when I talked with others and asked the right questions for them to connect to something inside themselves. a Collective, a synergy with others. Opening and not closing. 
• Somehow finding ways to help those who are lost in the mess of things, listening to those who are not listened to, helping those who are not helped. The silent ones. The lost ones. 

That is a brief summary of my responses. Now ... not sure where to take this next, but I'll figure out something. Lots online about this; perhaps I'll find something about 'how to find your Ikigai' and see what it shows me.  

Until next entry! 

Ikigai Part 1 - My Passions and My Gifts

 

There are many ways and many questions to ponder on this journey to figuring out (or discovering?) what one’s Ikigai is. As mentioned already, the most common way that is easiest found online is a Venn diagram of 4 overlapping circles (What you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for). 

And, as I mentioned already, I suspect this has a lot of Western influence. Though there are likely connections, I want to do what I can to seek my answer from outside these manipulated concepts. I know people from Asia have a very different upbringing and way of viewing the world, and if I can get into that and understand it from that perspective, then there might be something there that is not part of the Western / American / 21st century way of thinking. 

The book I used on this journey also had 4 overlapping circles, but they were different labels. Kudo's include: What I love, Where I excel, How I see the world, and Where I can make a difference. The book, in case you want to check it out for yourself: My Little Ikigai Journal by Amanda Kudo. 

However, in her book, she asks questions under 4 categories: Your Passions, Your Gifts, Your Values, and Your Possibilities, where these various points connect. How this all links together, I’ll figure out as time goes on. Since I did the questions in the book, I’m going to spend a bit of time reflecting on what the answers said about me, particularly on two points today: My Passions and My Gifts.

My Passions – In this section, she asks questions around what brings you joy, how you prefer to spend your time, what makes you happy, where do you find fulfillment, 10 things you could not live without, where do you feel ‘home’, and what do you spend your money on ... to name a few. (There are 21 questions.) A lot of my answers include things like the following ...

• Writing, creating something. connecting with people, inspiring others & being inspired, connecting with others beyond superficial, time in nature, arts (reading, theatre, movie), time in communion with God / meditation, places that teach me something, reflection, writing, being part of something bigger than me, photographing, capturing emotion or a message in an instant.
• Topics: theology, spirituality, personal beliefs, movies, literature, experiences, arts, personal development, opinions, conversation and learning. Fascinated with contemplation, Christian mysticism, pre-Nicaea / post-resurrection time, monasticism. Things with depth, with heart, with voice and story and journey. 
• I love discussion unless being told I'm wrong or called names or not listened to or diminished in some way; it's not so much the topic as it is the attitude - such as no inquisitiveness, knowing it all, threatened by my questions, refusing to listen. The dialogue is important to me, not being told. Inquiry, exchange = value. Arrogance, right/wrong, dismissing  = not my thing.
• I am happiest when I was reading, with Aunt Lydia, at Rainbow Stage. Ballet, when I am learning something, exploring, fancy restaurants, travel. Things I have not yet explored - serious writing, seeing castles, taking a dance class, pursuing a Masters. Childhood dreams not yet explored: to listen to others, encourage them and help them find their way, seeing a castle, to write a book.
• Things I’ve done and really enjoy to my core: Loved helping others learn and discover, English / literature, arts, being present when others were struggling/suffering, listening to others, helping them find their voice, making a difference, critical thinking and analysis. Loved learning new things myself. Creating something unique, being part of something. I have realized that I need to be constantly learning. I start to die in some way if I am not actively learning something new.
• Things I have done that I have not enjoyed: working without contact with others, feeling like I am not impacting or contributing, being 'dismissed', assuming that what I have done is the most of my capabilities. I do not enjoy being underappreciated or micro-managed / no autonomy. I don’t like numbers on their own or anger or hatred or disrespect. I do not enjoy being in conversation with someone and not being heard, being told "yes, I know what you mean" without checking to make sure that is so. I do not enjoy being in a broken relationship with no way ahead to heal it. I do not enjoy standing alone with empty hands, and not knowing why.
• What makes me smile? real candles on my Christmas tree, a clean-washed floor, light my candles, an empty sink, snowfall, Christmas music, hearing from friends, the smell of homemade chicken noodle soup, opening a brand-new book, the first sip of a good glass of wine, meeting someone for coffee.
• What could I not live without? books (all of them), learning something new that I don’t already know, my computer, appreciating something beautiful, writing, doing something outdoors, listening to music, talking to someone of like-mind, who inspires me and I inspire them, making progress on a goal, making something healthy that also tastes good, working on creating something, taking time to pause and appreciate, contemplating and meditating, “inhaling beauty”, my bible with concordance (and multiple translations, because I like to cross-reference and check on the original word and meanings and where used in other places in the text), candle-light and mentation, tea or coffee – something warm to drink, coffee with Bailey's, my feather blanket, some sort of visual entertainment, phone for contact with others, writing (journal and pen).

My Gifts – In this section, she asks questions around what you’re good at, instinctively and with little effort, what you are born with, innate to you. This area is difficult for many (including me), as it is easy to assume everyone can do what we do. I realize this is not the case ... everyone does not think or feel like I do, everyone does not have my aptitudes or my areas of confidence or struggle where I do. So her questions cover things like what do people compliment you on, what are accomplishments that mean something to you, what do others say about you, what parts of your character are you grateful for, what comes easy to you, what do you see or know better than most. A lot of my answers include things like the following ...

• People – my gifts lie, without a doubt, with people. There are a lot of things I can do – there is very little I cannot do, but the things that give me joy always have to do with people, with learning, with spirituality, with connecting to something bigger than me. The story is at the center of so much, connecting. It's about ‘bottom-up’, not ‘top-down’, about lateral and not vertical.
• Accomplishments: creating Christmas musicals (script, production, for 14 different classes, with music and everything), working with Jocelyn and her gifted learning, my musical: Anne of Green Gables, and clowning with kids who have never done a musical, creating my planner, going to Korea during the economic collapse, every time I was able to be present with someone in their struggle, publishing my poem (twice). In many ways, I don't feel I've accomplished lots, but everything I count has to do with people. Maybe an accomplishment is the number of former students I am still in touch with and who count me as someone who greatly impacted them and who I count as 'friend' now?
• Grateful for: listening skills, empathy (inter/intrapersonal), spiritual awareness and perception, seeing all sides to a situation or opinion, adventurous (doing things on my own), INFP/INFJ (NF off the charts), knowing how to dream and how to make the dream real,
• What is Easy: observational and organization, big picture, steps, trans-application, technology, listening beyond words. I have very strong gifts in Gardner’s intelligences in areas of interpersonal, intrapersonal, and existential. Stronger than most. I know this because I assume others are the same but I am realizing that’s not the case. I’m an INFP/J – my I is relatively strong, my N and F are off the charts in strength (they almost can’t be stronger), and my P/J is split. Very split. Every time I’ve taken the test, it flips from one side to the other, never more than a point or two either way. And my spiritual gifts are Discernment, Mercy, Wisdom, Knowledge.
• The only way to get to the mystery and Truth is through the journey. “seeing through a glass darkly”, layers of who we are. My ability to listen, discussions, learn something from me (and me from them), feel accepted and valued, various sides, being present. What do I know? Human motivation, People, awareness of something beyond the moment, God's woven presence.
• Not complicated but complex, depth, I think in symbols and metaphors, process and design, beneath and beyond the surface simultaneously, seek to acquire confirmation of who I am, expression? Affirmation? Substance of words and language. Words but more. A word is never just a word.

So, if I bring these together thus far, I don’t see anything simple. I don’t see anything straightforward. I see someone who is extremely cerebral, who ‘thinks too much’ and who loves the mental dance. Yet, in there is also someone who truly loves people and who loves communication who loves presence. And yes, someone who has a faith belief that is abnormal. Maybe in many ways, I’m abnormal and don’t fit in any box. And, that’s ok. I wonder what the coming days will bring. 

What is Ikigai?

Maybe a good place to start with this 6-week of journaling assignment is to define what this word means. According to Tim Tamashiro, a Canadian entertainment personality who traces his roots back to Okinawa (which is where this philosophy comes from), he defines Ikigai as: "The reason you get out of bed every day. It is your purpose. It is an attribute that everyone has. Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes it is not." But here's a catch - when you realize what your Ikigai is, you also see how that purpose, that reason, links you from your birth to your death. It is a constant in your life, it is how and why you were created. 

I've lost track of the number of times I've read about others struggling with 'What is my purpose?' and 'Why am I here?' When I began reading and looking into this thing called Ikigai, it became obvious to me that ... if you can figure out your Ikigai, you can answer that question. The answer then becomes obvious. 

So, off I went (and am still on that journey) to answer that question - what is my Ikigai? 

Along the way, I came across a little book (through Amazon) called My Little Ikigai Journal by Amanda Kudo and to be honest, I like the way she laid things out. She grouped 4 circles overlapping into the following four areas: Your Passions, Your Gifts, Your Values, and Your Possibilities. But also along the way I found a plethora of other sources that labeled the circles: What you love, What you're good at, What the world needs, and What you can be paid for. I realized I had a problem with that last circle: 'What can you be paid for?'. When you're young, what you can be paid for doesn't blip on your radar. When you're older, what you once could be paid for might no longer be an option. So, I (personal opinion) think that many others have "westernized" this concept. I think, like so many other things that we 'borrow' from other places, cultures, and times, we make it fit into what we think is right and our Western way of thinking. I like, much more, how Kudo lays her questions out and how she links them together. 

Then, today as I was hunting for a visual to include in this post, I came across the one that is at the top. This one I found on a Japanese website. And it included things that were different than the other two. Things I found very interesting. Notice how 'your purpose' is one of the flower petals and not the central point? And how 'what you can be paid for' doesn't even show up at all? 

Over the next 6 weeks, I hope to reflect on various things I find on this topic and apply it to myself. I wonder if I can get to the end of the 6 weeks and have an inkling of what my Ikigai might be. I think I'll start by reflecting a bit on the 4 specifics from Kudo's book - My Passions (what I love), My Gifts (where do I excel), My Values (how I see the world), My Possibilities (where can I make a difference). I will also search out other sources (books, videos, etc.) and share those and apply myself to that information as well. It is my hope to find things beyond the Western interpretation of this concept. I wonder how it will fit in with the above 'flower'. 

This is Week 1, Entry 1. Many more to come! 

Journaling Class

I am taking a journaling class through my public library. Me? A journaling class? I already am an avid journaler, aren't I? What do I need to learn that I don't already know? Well, there is always that quadrant in the Johari window, isn't there? That quadrant that is for what others know that I don't know? And maybe, just maybe, there might be something in this course that could illuminate something there for me. Right there - that Blind Spot up on the top right corner. Now, to be fair, it might not be so much 'what others know about me that I don't know about me' as much as what others know that I don't know. Either way, that's why I decided to take this course - what new ways of journaling could I discover that might contribute something heretofore unknown to my life. 

In the second lesson, we set our intentions, our goal. So, this is what I wrote: 

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Goal for this assignment: 

I am going to make use of two journals I already have for this – a hard-cover lined book and my online blog l-chaya (loosely for To Life!’ … “My Challenge to New Life”. I created this many years ago for similar purposes – to challenge myself to do something with consistency and this blog keeps me accountable. I'll resurrect it for this assignment!)

Topics – The hardcover book is something very new to me: it has been designated already as my Commonplace Book. My intention for it (before this class) was to  ‘listen’ to things I encounter through reading, viewing, conversing, and copy them in there. The intention is to listen for God’s voice throughout my day and document it, particularly around the question, “What now?”. What I will add for this class is to include a personal handwritten reflection on why that imprinted on me as God’s voice, what was it about that bit that made me think there was a message in there for me, and what might that message be. In the blog, I want to write on my Ikigai. Ikigai means "a reason to get up in the morning" and, from the work I've already done, is a reflection on Passions (what I love), Gifts (where I excel), Values (how I see the world), and Possibilities (where I can make a difference). This is similar to your Career Journal, but there’s a bit more. I think this is my chance to bring it to words and not just thoughts, specific to me. (I'm at a significant point in my life and am searching for direction; this plays into that desire and quest.) 

Software – Blogspot for the Challenge

SMART Goal:

For the next 6 weeks, I will write 24 journal entries: 2/week in my Commonplace Book and 2/week in my Challenge blog, plus a final entry at the end.

- The entries for my Commonplace Book will be encountered words from other people and places through which I feel God is speaking to me and I will reflect on what I feel God is saying to me through these words of others, particularly about my purpose.

- The entries for my blog will be around my Ikigai (Passions, Gifts, Values, Possibilities); each entry will be a personal reflection on some aspect of these, from my Commonplace book, from my day’s encounters, my thoughts, books I read, etc.

- At the end of the 6 weeks, I will write a final reflection in the blog as to what my conclusions are at that point from all this writing: do I have a possible answer to the question, What now? And, if so, what is it? If not, then the question to answer is: so now what? 

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 See it? right there! Two entries per week in this blog, focusing on my Ikigai. So, even though a week has already gone, I will still write 12 entries here, on some aspect of my Ikigai. And then, at the end, one more entry to pull it all together. Am I ready? Let's see what I might discover from this that I don't already know!

 The sound of the horn ... and we're off!