Set-Up for 100 Day Challenge 2.0

Ok.  The foundation is set.  Let's see how solid it is ... and yes, we will continue to work on it, but it's time to start building the house, one brick at a time.  

For this next 100 Day Challenge ... 

There will be a focus on HABITS - I will add a new one every three weeks.  At this time, I've been working on 4, so I will continue those (water, clean sink, sleep hours, and medication ... which now takes on a new necessity!) and add the habit of planning (and living to that plan!) ... failing to plan means planning to fail!

There will be a PLAN - and goals and steps to achievement over the 100 days.  I will not post all of this but a recap in note form. The five goals? Health, Financial, Relationships, Personal Development and Environment.  

(At the end of the first 50 days, these two will reverse)

And, still a listing of daily GRATITUDE - something wonderful is going to happen to me!  This is the place that keeps me humble and know that I am a part of something larger than myself. 

Let's see how many "bricks" I can get built in 100 days! 

Debriefing on First 100 Days Challenge

The first 100 Days is over, and it was a ride, that's for sure!  Things happened that I didn't expect to happen, I discovered things about myself that I kind of knew but I watched the traits unfold in front of my eyes.  I became a lot more conscious of everything. 

As I look back over those 100 days, I can see areas that could be improved upon, at the same time there were very worthwhile things that became apparent.  As much as I ache to re-set the counter and do it again, I also want to pause and note some things that have passed.  A "post-mortem", if you will. 

I look back on the first day, when I set forth the premis for this, and as I read through it, if I were to be asked "why are you doing this?", my answer (according to what I wrote) would be "to get out of my rut", to change my life. 

Every self-help guru you read or listen to would attest to the necessity of "starting with the end in mind", to be very clear on what you want.  The whole area of goal-setting.  But, in a way, one thing that I don't read much on is the definition of "success".  I mean, for example, let's say you want to go from Calgary to Toronto.  If you don't define "success", you could make it as far as Barrie but not Toronto (Barrie is just outside of Toronto).  If your definition of "success" means that you make it to the exact word of your intention, and anything less is 'failure', does that mean I 'failed' in my goal by not making it to Toronto, even though I made it within 25 miles of my goal?  Or, what if I have no deadline?  I made it to Barrie ... maybe in a year, I'll make it to Toronto?  Does that mean I still 'failed' and I succeed only when I step foot, regardless of the time, in Toronto?  ... Or what if I made it to Winnipeg - I have changed my reality, I've stepped out of my rut, but I still fail because I only made it 1/2 way to Toronto?  What defines success?  It kind of bothers me that for all the effort one can put into the task, it all equals failure until that magic number is achieved, until your foot hits that certain point.  Yes, goals are scored only when the ball hits the net, but is the success of the team only evaluated by how many goals are scored? Never really thought about this until this point of the experiment!
When I started this, basically all I said was I wanted to get out of my rut AND I laid out how I was going to do it. I didn't take too much into consideration that I was not only in a physical rut, but also a mental one, a social one, a spiritual one, a financial one, and a few other ones as well.  I didn't put much thought into what would make it successful or not, I just desperately wanted ... needed some kind of change.  I can see now that there was a problem that was created here, which is evident now.  That's ok ... a good place from which to learn a lesson or two!  

I've laid out my questions to myself and am going to answer them separately from here.  I will return with highlighted comments on the results.  And then the next entry will be on the 2.0 Challenge!

A brief addendum:  What is also interesting is to look at people I mention throughout, and see if they have changed their world in those same 100 days or if they are still living in the same world?  Just interesting to note!

1. Define "success". 
-  In the start, I said "to get myself out of the rut." When I described my rut, I listed physical things and emotional things.  When I described my life "out of the rut", it was full of emotion and energy, a quality of life that is now missing. I never really describe what success would be.  I just allude to it being 'on the road out of the rut'. 
2. What did I want this experiment to do? 
- I guess I wanted to take steps out of the rut.  I don't think I thought everything would change in 100 days but I hoped I could establish some habits that would help in this direction. I wanted to add things to my life (so easy to take away and that can be depressing, but adding is exciting).  The hope was that by adding, things that were not helpful would naturally fall away. 
3. How did this experiment change me?  What effect did it have on my life? 
- I look at a person as an amalgamation, a creation of 6 parts, all intertwined.  Affecting one, affects all.  The 6 parts: physical, social, emotional, intellectual, sexual  and spiritual.
- What was affected?  emotional, intellectual and spiritual.  The clean sink was inspiring, but more than that, there was a definite shift in my perception of life, an appreciation, a positivity that I returned to.  I could fake it before, but this time I felt it.  Something happens when you watch your day for good things and ignore the negative.  You notice how much of the negative really is out of your control or  you can put a positive spin on it.  Mostly, it is obvious that the negative is not worth the energy we put into it.  I also gained another level of self-awareness, how my participation (or lack of) with my world, and how that contributes to my rut.  I became very aware and conscious of the habits I have developed - those I do automatically and those that are responses to a stimuli.  And finally, I developed a renewed sense that there`s more to life than putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe God IS trying to tell me something. 
4. What was the cost of the experiment? What did I give it up for it? 
- I tried to maintain a bedtime and that sometimes had a ripple effect on my day.  I was not consistent on a daily basis and I wonder what might have been different if I was.  Maybe I didn`t think the whole thing out? Problems when I was camping, when I was in the hospital, when I had computer problems. Did I "waste" time? I still continued to change. 
5. Did I let the experiment down in any way? 
- Yes, by not writing every day, regardless of the reason.  Perhaps in addition, I was not as focused as I could have been. 
6. What kept me going to the last entry? 
- Time would pass regardless and even if I reduced the entries to only gratitude, it was still an entry. Now, I'm thinking that maybe this mental shift needed to happen first, maybe it is liking building a house.  You don't launch into the house but you start with the foundation.  If your foundation is solid, the house is easier and more sturdy.  Without, the house is easy to be destroyed with the first storm that comes by.  Why did I continue?  the time would pass regardless, at least I'd have something to show for it. 
7. Evaluate my results - was this successful or not? 
- Yes, there was success in my results. I am no longer in that same rut I was in when I first began. True, the success was in different areas than I thought/wanted it to be in, but I see the development of something that should affect the next 100 days. 
8. What could I have done to make it more successful? 
- More focus. Different use of time. 
9. How could the experiment be improved upon?  
- I still like the two parts, but perhaps there needs to be 2 groups of 100 - the first to focus on gratitude and habit, the second to focus on what and how to change.  The Action part.   

Let's see what happens if there is a bit of a shift in focus ... 

100 of 100 ... "You can't start a new chapter ...

... of your life, if you keep re-reading the last one."


Today ends the 100th day of this experiment.  I skimmed back over the beginning of this and notice a lot of things.  I'll get into that tomorrow, as well as setting forth into the next chapter.  But I can say that there has been a change.  Perhaps exactly what I wanted, but perhaps necessary in other ways.  I want to sit and write on this but will hold back for now. 


Let's wrap this up with Gratitude Moments for today ...


Today, I'm grateful for
1/ getting to try a new recipe that turned out really good.  I bought a Curtis Stone cookbook a while back and this recipe is out of it.  Yum! 
2/ friends that check up on me.  I am very grateful when friends check up on me - when a person is single and not a very social person, it's good that people check up on people like that. I'm grateful for my friends that check in on me!
3/ getting to bed before 11 tonight.  Every time I try to do this, and get to sleep, it doesn't always work out like that.  I will try again tonight!
4/ all the lessons and learnings I've gone through over the last 100 days.  I'm grateful that I had the chance to reflect back on things and happenings shortly after they happened and the growth that came from that.
5/ the last 100 days ... and all that went with that.  I have not got my final 100 day gift yet, but when I do, I'll try to post a picture of my gift to myself through this all.  I think just following through on this, observing and noting what happened along the way - those things I could influence and those things I had no impact on at all ... definitely learned new things about myself!  And yes, I think there is evidence that I'm not in the same rut I was in when I first started this!!


So ... stay tuned for My 100 Day Challenge 2.0!  Tomorrow will be an opportunity to break things down, to ask some questions and answer them, to reflect on the last 100 days and envision the next 100 and set myself up for the next chapter of this experiment. 

99 of 100 ... Hmmm

The second-last formal day of this 100-Day experiment and I have to say that I'm not as positive as I've been before.  I can think of a number of reasons for this, but won't get into it here ... what I will say is that I hope it's a passing thing.  I intend to make it a passing thing.  I guess part of the honesty is also that every day won't be sunshine and lollypops, even if you fake it.  I think that if I can fake it, that's 1/2 way there, right?


And, I'll let it start with these gratitude moments for today ...


Today, I'm grateful for ...
1/ getting my laundry done.
2/ getting most of my receipts gone through.  (Starting this was a feat in itself!)
3/ getting my boss's expenses done today.
4/ having a clean sink again at the end of today.
5/ going to bed as soon as this is done. 


Here's to tomorrow being better than today! If I can make it so, I shall.

98 of 100 ... Back to Work

That is not quite what I had in mind when I envisioned my summer holiday for this summer, but that's what it was!  Back to work today - ok, for 4 hours a day, but I left feeling like I worked a full day! 


Gratitude Moments for Today


Today, I was grateful for:
1/ having a job to come back to.  I'm so ready for a job change, but today I was grateful to have this one to return to - I know what to expect and, for the most part, the people I work with are good people.  Some of them are exceptional. 
2/ everything that NL has done to help me out at this time, and how she continues to help me.  "Grateful" doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about all she has done for me. 
3/ having my INR up.  I kinda goofed this last week (2 times - one I told the clinic about, the other I didn't) ... and the gratitude has to do with getting my INR up over that magic number: 2.0.  Now, let's see what happens when I follow the instructions!
4/  my doctor recommending I return for 4 hrs. each day for this first week.  I'm not sure how I would have managed if I had to return for the full 9 hrs!  So, linked to this - I'm grateful for afternoon naps!
5/ getting a better "needle-nurse" today ... with all the poking I've had done recently, I've been left with quite a few bruises and painful spots.  Today's nurse was good - or maybe she was average but anyone would be better than the last one I had! 


Two more days ... and then what?? This ain't over yet!

97 of 100 ... Grace over Karma

I'm not going to get into a big theological statement on today's title, except to say that this is a quote from Bono (frontman to U2), and it encapsulates the essence of what I believe when it comes to faith.  What I will say is that it also applies to my quest over the last 97 days ... that Karma would point to whether I succeeded or not and base the worth of this experiment (and my worth as a person) on that count, where as Grace does not.  Grace says I am loved perfectly as I am; it's not about success or failure but about seizing the opportunity to improve when presented ... it's not about "I have to ..." but about "I get to ..."  This unconditional love that I believe in can infiltrate my life and change me from the inside out, this Truth that I seek brings wholeness to existence without judgement to actions.  And because of this freedom, I seek to improve on what I've been given - not because I have to, but because I get to. 


Moments of Gratitude for Today


Today, I'm grateful for
1/ the Grace given me, not because I've earned it but because I'm loved as I am.
2/ the job I get to return to tomorrow ... they have been good to me through this and I shall show my appreciation.
3/ the rest I have had ... may I be successful in beginning the task of catching up tomorrow!
4/ the breakfast I have prepared for myself for the next 6+ days!  (little quiches - yum!)
5/ the beauty found in life ... be it something seen or something experienced through one (or more) of the other senses.  I appreciate when it forces me to pause, to breathe, to experience and be present in that moment.  ("To be where my feet are.")  And listen to that small, still voice within.

96 of 100 ... A Day of Reflection

Every so often, a day comes along and it's gifted as a day to reflect, to ponder, to re-set. I'd have preferred it in 4 days, but that's ok.  I'll use my journal writing from today in 5 days, but share a part of those thoughts here. 


Moments of Gratitude for Today

Today, I am grateful for
1/ living in such a beautiful part of the world.  Yes, other places are just as beautiful, but the mountains of Alberta rank up there with the best. 
2/ an opportunity to change the way I view my life and world around me.  Maybe that was necessary in the quest to get out of the rut of this life of mine. 
3/ reconnecting with the resiliency of the human spirit.  They say 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and that's a bit trite.  I think in the scope of things, there is much more that doesn't kill you than the things that do.  And, not always do you become stronger as a result - you could become more bitter, more of a victim, more angry, more miserable, more isolated, more defeated.  I know ... I was on one of those paths.  But, instead of focusing on the crap in life (after all, we are surrounded by it!), when you force yourself to shift your focus to seek that which is positive and beneficial and worthy of gratitude, all of a sudden, you start see the roses instead of the thorns.  Even when your health or your finances seem to become unstable,  even then there are moments to be found, if you but seek them.
4/ pausing to embrace the simple beauty in moments.  The taste of a great cup of coffee, the fresh pine-filled air on a mountain trail, that perfect moment when your soul connects with the soul of another, the sound of utter silence, broken by the clear simple call of a bird. So many! At least one a day ... but your soul has to be in the place where you are receptive to this moment and not lost in some mental anguish of stress.
5/ being open to change, provided that change is demonstrated to be to my benefit and not just someone else's 'advice'.  I guess part of this is also the journey to truly knowing yourself, finding your Truth, and in that, taking full responsibility for your purpose and your life.  A major realization for me in the last 96 days is how much time we waste on things that we have no control over and how little we do with that which we do have control over ... and when you take responsibility over what you do have control over, then necessary change is possible.  Where do I put my time?  Where do I put my energy (mental, knowledge, physical, etc.)?  What are my life-beliefs and values and how do I live them out? What I say ... and what I do ... need to match.  (Not that they don't, but I'm becoming very conscious of that.)  Purposeful, productive, goal-directed.  Envision it, plan it, do it, achieve it. And if an obstacle should present itself: recognize it, learn from it, incorporate it, move beyond it.  Every day - what are my goals and what steps am I taking in that direction? 

95 of 100 ... My "Summer Holiday"

I guess if I take no holidays this summer, I will remember this day as my "holiday" ... I was unsure if I should meet my friend and her husband for a day in the mountains and I decided to go for it.  Who knows when (if ever) would I get this chance again?  The last time I saw CC was in 2001 ... I didn't want to let this chance slip through my fingers.  So, after my blood tests (10:30ish when I got there at 7 AM!!!), I hit the road to Banff. I took care to stop and move around out of the car every hour, so hopefully all went well from a medical perspective!


Moments of Gratitude for Today, Friday


So many!!! .... Today, I was grateful for:
1/ driving a lot on the Bow Valley Parkway - it's so beautiful (when there is no smoke!)! I think I need to return sometime when the smoke is gone so I can take photos to show CC what it is like when the mountain tops are not shrouded in smoke!
2/ eating at some really unique, fantastic restaurants that I've never been to before.  Both were part of a cabin/lodge facility, both were utterly fantastic:  Baker Creek Chalets and Storm Mountain Lodge.
3/ sitting on the outdoor deck-lounge of the Chateau Lake Louise, overlooking the lake, enjoying a glass of Orange-Rosemary Margarita and Duck Spring Rolls.  The cost was ridiculous, but for that moment, in that location with that company ... I was ok paying that.  A moment I will savour for many days and months to come!
4/ the beauty of Lake Moraine - the last time I was here was when I was in grade school.  I'm sure things have changed since then, but not the beauty of the lake.  Wow!  Though it was crawling with vacationers, there were moments along the walking path (which I did my best to champion), when you could close your eyes, smell the air and imagine what it was like before all the commercialism. 
5/ of course, the ultimate best gift, was to spend the day with CC and her husband.  Spending time with people really does make a difference to my spirit and sense of self.  And, spending time with people who were important in my life long ago and the connection and love is still there - even better! 

94 of 100 ... Last Self-Injection!

If I never have to inject myself with something again as long as I live, I'll be a happy camper!  I can't watch when other people poke me, I hate pain and do my best to avoid it at all costs, but this was unavoidable.  I remember the last time, every attempt I made to poking myself was impossible.  Whoever that nurse was that told me to freeze the skin with ice cubes and then use a mirror must have been an angel.  No nurse has ever said anything to me about that since, no one has ever mentioned it ... and I could not have gotten through the last 11 days without it. 


Moments of Gratitude in Today


Today, I'm grateful for
1/ the last self-injection I have to give myself!! wooohooo!!!
2/ getting to go back to work next week for 4 hrs a day.  I was starting to get a bit worried on how I would do it, and in visiting my doctor today, she recommended 1/2 days first.  The nice thing is that these extra 1/2 days are not coming out of my DDO time!
3/ finding a pair of sandals that will go with a lot of things and be able to be worn to work as well!  The best part is that they were 30% off - which I didn't realize until I got to the cashier. 
4/ having the opportunity to think through my coming dilemma (where to take this idea in 6 days) today.  I don't have a definite answer but I think I'm asking the right questions.  And isn't that where it all starts?
5/ my love of the arts - it inspires me, it encourages me, it challenges me.  There is so much to be learned, to be observed, when one looks beyond what is obvious!  Maybe there is a form of joy in the simple, the basic, but my brain never stops there.  There's always another layer to peel back, another connection to be discovered, another lesson to be learned!
6/ my friend RA.  It's her birthday today and I know she's surrounded by all the people she loves.  I hope she's had a wonderful day - she deserves it.  Though I'm not there, I've thought of her all day long and am grateful she's my friend. 

93 of 100 ... Love the Heat!

Today (Wed) must have been the hottest day in recent memory ... as in recent years.  It was spectacular!  I enjoyed the day, and perhaps pushed myself a bit more than I should have, but it was so amazing.  To be able to spend the day outside was the best treat ever!


Moments of Gratitude for This Day


On this day, I am grateful for
1/ getting to have lunch with a wonderful friend.  I am constantly amazed at how friends have come into my life and the blessings they bring.  This friend was part of a temporary position and now, 5-6 years later, we still meet for the occasional lunch and catch up.  I will so miss her when she moves!
2/ getting to have dinner with a completely different friend from many years ago.  I haven't seen her for a good 10 years and to sit and catch up and hear about her adventures - it was such a treat!
3/ receiving the news that my INR is within the correct range ... AND, one more day of self-injection!!
4/ having such an eclectic taste in music.  I wanted to introduce my friend to something new, and there was so much, I didn't know where to start!  I am always listening and open for something new of quality, a new artist, a Canadian performer, a singer with lyrics that make you think.  I believe in supporting musicians and passing on their art to others. I'm still old-school enough to buy CDs and have never been disappointed!
5/ my little basement apartment - no matter how hot it got outside, things were still cool down here and I still used my feather blanket for the night's sleep!

92 of 100 ... Managing

Pushed myself a bit today and definitely felt it!  I walked a bit and cleaned a bit and know things are not all as they should be.  Chest is a bit sore right now.  But that's ok - I know that things are going in the right direction.  I set forth a list of 'bites' last night and it worked wonderfully! 


Moments of Gratitude from Today
Today, I'm grateful for
1/ getting my errands completed.
2/ getting the most important things completed on my list. (The list is divided into 1, 2 and 3 items ... and there are no more than 4-1s.  And I got all the 1s done and a couple of the 2s!)
3/ a really good night's sleep.
4/ finding a FM transmitter that will also charge my phone and iPod.  It started by being told that what I had was too old and they don't make them any more.  I didn't give up but did find something that will work!  (My original one was in my suitcase that went missing in January.)
5/ knowing what I know ... there is still much to learn, but I'm not doing too bad. Now, what to do with it?
6/ having these days off ... it's nice to know that I don't have to rush! Those days will soon come again.

91 of 100 ... A Normal Day!

... well, if "normal" includes blood tests and injections! I know the injections won't last and I know the blood tests will. 


Moments of Gratitude for Today


Pausing for a moment of silence, before heading to bed ... breathe and reflect.


Today, I'm grateful for:
1/ getting to sleep in this morning! It felt rather decadent!
2/ getting my blood tests and my injection done before noon.  It's not that they're getting easier (the injections) but that I'm finding a bit of humour in trying to find a non-bruised part of my tummy to use! I have bruises everywhere where a needle could possibly have been inserted! Thankfully, they don't hurt too much.
3/ calming down enough to make a plan for the next 3 days of what I want to accomplish.  I was a bit overwhelmed and not sure where to begin.  And I know, kind of like how you eat an elephant - this will be achieved one bite at a time.  So, I selected "bites" for each of the next three days. 
4/ for the amazing beautiful day!  The weather was incredible!  When I look back to the cold weather we had and all the people who complained about it then, I hope none of them were complaining today! It doesn't get any more perfect than today!
5/ for getting my weekly reports done ... this means I got into my work email and got what I needed and got it done.  A great feeling to get that done! It also prompted me to start thinking through the task I need to do to record the process of my tasks ... something I want to do in preparation for looking for another job. 
6/ getting my dishes done! yes, somehow they seem have fallen behind and tonight, again, I'm caught up!


Tomorrow, we will attempt to get back on the horse.

90 of 100 ... Beginning of the last Stretch

I still have 10 days to go and already I'm starting to think about the next 100! What changes can I make, what can I do different to bring more success, thinking over the last 90 days - what worked, what didn't ... and what was it that I set out to do.  Maybe, in a way, everything worked, just not in the way I wanted/expected it to?  A friend wrote today on her FB on expressing gratitude to God for the blessings we deserve as His children.  Something in me stopped when I read that ... not that I disagree with God's blessings (see last 89 days for proof of them) ... I guess I also believe that though they come, they might not come in the package and appearance that we want them to come.  If this experiment has taught me anything thus far is that gifts are given, but we need to be aware and receptive and open to welcome them, regardless of the form they are given.  What might look like a curse on the outside actually might have a heart of a blessing.  This isn't about looking for the sliver lining but being still and open for gifts to be revealed.


Moments of Gratitude Today


I sit in stillness, reflecting over the day.  Today, I'm grateful for ...


1/ being reminded that I'm not on this journey alone.  More than once, there was an instant today when it was clear to me that I am not alone.  If I think long enough on this one, I will cry.  Thank you!
2/ getting to spend some time with my cousin and my aunt (my father's sister).  As different as I am from them, their simple kindness and love is something I am grateful for now. 
3/ my little basement apartment.  Right now it resembles something out of the early stages of Hoarders, but that isn't permanent unless I let it be.  A task for the coming week! I'm grateful in this heat, I don't worry about the heat affecting me - in fact, I am still using my feather blanket down here!
4/ having the coming week off.  I tried to be a bit more active today and know that I would not be able to spend a day at work, with all the running around that is required of me. 
5/ knowing and being shown that nothing stays the same.  The only constant in life is change ... and because of that, what is my reality today will not be my reality as time goes on.  The key is to do what I can, that is within my power and control to influence life in the direction that I desire it to go ... and even then, out of the blue, things can spin me into a new reality.  Where I was 90 days ago is not where I am now.  And, that's ok.  The only full control I have is how am I going to face into that change when it happens. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOhc9YGr1R0 

89 of 100 ... Maybe God's Trying to Tell Me Something

There is a movie that came out many years ago, a movie that I happened to become very familiar with the novel, a movie that is so powerful in many ways.  And in that movie, at the climax of the film, is a song:  "Maybe God's Trying to Tell You Something".  I was reminded of that on Saturday ... when I found myself in emergency again, for the strangest of reasons.  Pain for unknown reasons ... and I felt like something was consuming my insides.  In the end, there was nothing there. I can't help but wonder if there isn't a message being given to me in all of this ...


Moments of Gratitude for Today (Saturday)


On this day, I am grateful for
1/ all the pain amounting to nothing; most importantly, no aneurism.  I woke at 5:00 AM ... The pain started in my right leg and seized the leg up with pain.  Walking was completely impossible.  It moved within the leg, going up and down, and then it is like it raced around the inside of my body - going up the right leg, out the right arm, moving through my chests and head and down again, out the left arm and out the left leg.  It was a "wash" of pain, not as intense as the leg and not seizing anything up.  The strangest thing.  (It eventually subsided, and I wanted to give it a bit of time so I crawled back into bed.  I woke around 9:00 and went into emergency.  I left the hospital around 3:00 PM.)
2/ the amazing conversation I had with my brother.  One of the few things we talked about is how God interacts with our lives, and not always in an auditory manner.  So many people say "God told me to ..." when who knows if there's a difference between the voices we all hear in our head, our own voices talking to ourselves, vs. "God's" voice?  Then, there are people who legitimately hear voices not their own ... and they're not well either.  So, how can you know for sure that it is God's voice and not something else?  For me, it has something to do with things happening that I have no control over, that happen through no influence of mine.  Something in me, be it my own voice, is telling me to look close, to become aware, to open up, to 'go in and go out' at the same time ...because God IS trying to tell me something.  It seems everything is building to something ... I just don't know what. 
3/ being here ... being alive.  I have lost track of the number of times I've had an up-close and personal encounter with death over the last few years, even since Christmas.  And I can distinctly remember moments when my survival had nothing to do with my abilities.  Once "it just happened" could be by chance; twice makes you go "hmmm" and three and more??? a fluke?  or something else?  And yet, here I am ... I guess my job isn't done here yet!
4/ the idea for a book that my brother gave me.  I won't go into details but it has to do with elderly, the lives they lived, the values they lived by, and now at the end of their lives, how do they face into the final chapter? And, the important part is to include as many from as diverse backgrounds as possible. 
5/ for all the people who have continued to check in on me and offer their help.  I know I'll be ok, but it's so wonderful to also know that there are others around where I can call for help ... or for coffee.  Going through a time of extreme difficulty alone is not easy - I know, I've done it.  So, to have, even one or two (and there are so many more) near me at this time, be it via texting (like RA or my brother) or physical presence (NB or BT and so many more), I am grateful beyond words. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD5uPZzBr5c 
"God is Trying To Tell You Somethin' " (The Color Purple) ... one of the most theological beautiful novels I have ever read!

88 of 100 ... Beautiful Blessings in the midst of Storms

One never quite knows what a day will bring, and where you'll be when you come to the end of it.  You make plans (or you don't); and yet, things happen that can completely change the day.  Today was such a day (kind of like the whole week!!).


Moments of Gratitude for Today


Today, I'm grateful for
1/ being asked to go to see the chuckwagon races and the Grandstand Show at the Calgary Stampede.  It was not only wonderful to get out on such a beautiful day, but also a gift to be asked by Nancy and Buck to join their entourage for the evening. 
2/ the incredible beautiful weather!  I love all seasons for different reasons, and weather like this does the soul good!
3/ got my medical things all done in time - blood work done, meds bought, injection completed, all by the time I needed to! 
4/ getting my shower rod up so I can have a shower!  (It broke on my first day out of the hospital ... what a welcome home!) I think showers are definitely less taxing than taking a bath, at least it feels like it from my point of view!
5/ having things to do and tasks to accomplish while I'm recovering.  I am looking forward to going for walks every day, and to setting forth tasks to complete every day.  One step at a time, I'll walk my way through this and come out the other side.

87 of 100 ... Caught Up!

I could be very busy over the next while, working on things I've wanted to work on for a while! It will take a bit longer, but what I do now, I won't have to do later ... now, where to start?  For all the difficulty of the last few days, the gratitude moments are in abundance, also!  Hmm ... that's interesting ...


Moments of Gratitude for Today


Today, I'm grateful for ...
1/ easily injecting myself at noon!  I remembered well from last time, and it worked!
2/ getting the opportunity to "pay it forward" with my cousin TH, who is in town because of her son.  Because others have been so giving to me, I wanted to be giving to her.
3/ backing out of the two events for today.   I so badly wanted to enjoy a bit of Stampeding, but every way I looked at it, I would be putting someone out and I would end up tired. So, I stayed away.  I trust there will be another time, next year.
4/ finding my debit card!  Yup, that was a moment of gratitude!
5/ NL, a colleague at work who has stepped in to help me with my main responsibility over this last week.  I know it has been difficult for her, and I am so grateful for her help! "Thank you" seems to be so trite for what I know it was for her and how appreciative I am for her help.
6/ all the words and check-ins and text/other messages I've received through this.  Last time, I remember lying on a gurney, waiting for the CT scan, and in that moment, feeling more alone than I ever had in my entire life.  This time, I felt surrounded by so many people - their presence and their thoughts.  And what a difference that makes in my attitude, as well!
7/ the beautiful flowers I got from work!  What a beautiful treat!


Man, do I have a list of the dent I need to start making in my world!  Starting with my first blood test tomorrow morning and getting the Innohep to inject, all before lunch!

86 of 100 ... Catch up for Wednesday (Jul9)

Got out of the hospital today, and maybe I'm not without symptoms.  Aside from the difficulty in breathing, I have had swollen ankles on a lot of occasions.  I thought it was from falling asleep sitting up, but maybe there's more to it than that.  I also have had a few sharp pains on the right side of my chest ... not like the last time, but a bit of pain on rare occasion.  I've also been coughing a lot. I attributed it to something else, but maybe there's a connection to the clots as well.  Regardless, it's important to listen to your own body and if anything seems odd, seems off, a strange pain ... it's so important to get it checked!! So glad my work colleagues forced me to go to the hospital!!


Moments of Gratitude for Today, Wednesday


Today, I'm grateful for
1/ being in RA's wedding party 20 years ago; not just a bridesmaid but a maid of honour!  The only time I was ever asked that honour!  and for all the hiccups we had, there were a lot of wonderful memories of that day when RA and MS got married!
2/ getting a ride from the hospital to home from NB.  It was lovely to wait in the outdoor warmth for her to come, but even better to not have to use the taxi chit I was given!
3/ meeting the two women I did before leaving.  The one, waiting for dismissal like me, was misdiagnosed and this was the 14th day of her hospital visit!  how easy it is to misdiagnose this ailment!  And the second, a diabetic woman in her 70s, losing her eyesight and already a lost leg ... and what a fantastic positive attitude!  Such an inspiration for me!  she was doing what she still could to live a full, wonderful life in spite of all her health issues.  Wow! To be like her!
4/ starting to accept this life-change, I think.  It is what it is, I can't change it, so may as well move forward and do what I can with what I have ... and I still have a lot!
5/ a fantastic text-chat with my brother.  I love talking with him!  He makes me laugh, he makes me think, I get passionate about things we talk about, and it seems the  older we get, the more we are thinking alike.  That's kinda neat!
6/ cheating death again.  How many times has this happened?  When it seems like Death is breathing down my neck, and I am pulled from the putrid stench of his maw?  I would have to sit to think, but there are must be at least 6-8 from over the last 5 years.  And some pretty freaky, too.  I can't help but wonder if there's a reason behind it, if I need to accomplish something yet ... quite a sobering thought!

85 of 100 ... Catch up for Tuesday (Jul8)

Still in the hospital.  It's been confirmed - I have pulmonary emboli (PE), blood clots in both lungs.  The right one is pretty bad (one artery completely blocked), and the left is not as bad.  I had no symptoms like last time and no reason for it to happen. Therefore, I will likely be on blood thinner for the rest of my life.  My new reality.


Moments of Gratitude for Today, Tuesday


On this day, I'm grateful for ...


1/ getting moved to the ward this morning and getting the bed by the window!  My room-mates are odd and not very respectful people. 
2/ a visit from my friend NB.  For all the difficulty in our relationship over the last while, I am grateful that she came and spent time with me. Really grateful.  And I'm even more grateful that she and Bev were never with me at the same time!!!!
3/ getting to talk to my brother before he heard the message I left for him that morning.  I called him from the hospital emergency before getting moved to the ward and completely broke down on the phone.  Fear and confusion, I think; another panic attack? And somehow that message didn't reach his phone until after I had spoke to him in a much more rational voice.  How strange!
4/ getting to talk to my friend RA.  It was really nice to hear her voice - I know she cares about me and the phone call was the next best thing to sitting beside me. 
5/ getting help to get my car home.  It's been sitting at work and that's not where it should be.  NB and a friend helped get it home for me so now I don't have to figure out how to get it back.  I found out after that it was my brother's idea!  NB had contacted my brother ... that's how he first found out I was hospitalized.  Again, another moment of gratitude!!!
6/ the lovely, fun sparkly red slippers NB got for me!  I feel like Dorothy! Except if I clicked my heels together, I'm not sure where I'd want to go "home" to.

84 of 100 ... Catch up for Monday (Jul7)

And my life changes ...


Moments of Gratitude for Monday:


On this day, I'm grateful for
1/  having all the breath loss return in extra force.  In retrospect, I am so grateful for the inability to do my job.  I could not walk the shortest of distances without gasping.  This forced me to do something about it.  And the people at work made sure I followed through on it!  This forced me to cheat death again - certainly something for huge gratitude!!
2/ deciding to have Mike from work drive me to Urgent Care, or I might have had to pay for the ambulance ride!  (the ride from Urgent Care to the Rockyview Hospital will not be my cost)
3/ the speed at which the professionals do their job.  At Urgent Care, they came to their conclusions as best they could and sent me to the RGH for confirming tests. I left work around 9:30 and was at RGH by 3:30ish.
4/ Bev taking time to spend with me and bring me a few things.  I am so grateful for her giving of her time to sit with me!! There's part of me that wonders if she has a reason, but then another part says maybe she doesn't so just appreciate it for what it seems like.
5/ the items Bev brought for me ... mostly, a charger for my phone and a book!!! Everything else was appreciated, but these two were the best!!!

83 of 100 ... Catch up for Sunday (Jul6)

Life sure has a way of intervening when you're least expecting it! ... once I've caught up to the current day (Thurs), it will be clear why there was this pause.  I'm just grateful right now to be able to be back and catch up! 


A bit of a set-up:  Since July 1, I've been having a hard time getting things done.  I can't do much without getting really tired and losing my breath. Tues and Wed were bad, but I thought things were getting better.  Sunday, the day here, I felt so good I went with a friend to the Stampede and walked around (slowly) from 9 AM to bout 5:00 PM.  I was exhausted!!


Moments of Gratitude for Sunday


On this day, I'm grateful for
1/ being able to spend the day with my friend TK.  She was so patient with me and didn't seem to be put out by my slow walking at all!
2/ finding a necklace to go with my stones I got for my birthday.  Now I can wear them!
3/  getting through the day! I didn't think I'd be able to last as long as I did, but I made it much longer than I thought!  Maybe whatever is affecting me is going away?
4/ the beautiful weather!  Summer in its glorious warmth is the best!
5/ TK's husband being able to drive us down to the grounds and pick us up.  That was really nice of him!

82 of 100 ... Felt like the Tortoise today

Today was a slow day, but I was determined to make it productive.  And I did. 


Moments of Gratitude


1/  Today, I am grateful for getting things done around my place - not everything, but today is definitely better than yesterday.
2/  Today, I'm grateful for the nice chat I had with the girl in the store.  I got to recommend some good fiction novels and that always makes me feel good!
3/  Today, I'm grateful for the great sale I hit at one of the stores I frequent.  I didn't want to buy a lot, but this was good to add a few non-black items, at a great price!
4/  Today, I'm grateful for finding one of the two product items I was looking for.  Now, let's see if it works as well as the websites say!
5/  Today, I'm grateful for hearing from a good friend first thing this morning. 


Getting out of the Rut


New Habits (new additions)
Water: 5 cups
Dishes: yes
Sleep: 8-9 hours (on sofa)
Meds: yes
Food Journal: yes
Live2Plan: (no plan created yesterday - this is new)
Plan2moro:


Action to Goals
- worked on cleaning my place & laundry, general but necessary. (Environment)
- tested out my breathing; I think it's improving.  I did a fair amount of walking at the mall to test this out.  It was easy to catch my breath but I did feel I was breathing deeply a fair amount. (Health)
- plans to go to Stampede grounds with TK tomorrow for awhile, but also to return home and prep for the week. (Relationships & Habits)

81 of 100 ... it's Friday!!

So glad the week's end is here! Honestly, a 3-day work-week and I'm plumb tuckered out!  Not sure where that has come from, but I was glad to come home with nothing to do ... well, everything to do, but it's Friday! and that feels so good!  Stampede started today, and I'll figure out if and when I'm going later. 


Moments of Gratitude Today


Today, Friday, I'm grateful for
1.  FINDING MY IPOD!!!! this had gone missing a few weeks ago - I could even remember the last time I used it.  I looked through so much at home, but didn't find it.  I had kind of resolved that it was gone ... and this morning, I went to put shoes on that I haven't worn in a bit ... and there they were inside!!
2.  it being Friday ... always grateful to come home after a long day at work! Had no plans so rather crashed on the sofa.
3.  staying caught up at work today.  For some reason, the binders on my desk has increased something ridiculous, and I don't have time for much more than couriering the damn things.  To say today almost reached breaking point is an observation.  I need to tap into this and use it to fuel the next step. 
4.  being in contact with AP today - her world is so different to mine and when I saw she was performing at one of the upcoming Stampede functions I'm invited to, I had to share with her.  It was nice to 'talk' to her again, even if it was texting and only for a little bit.
5.  being frustrated.  I know it's an odd thing to be grateful for, but I need to get to the point of no return until ignite the fire and activate something.  Today was a day of extreme frustration.  I felt so under-appreciated and useless ... and I know that I have to believe in myself enough to begin that change, I know I have to love myself enough to say enough.  So, when I encounter days like this, I'm grateful because it adds fuel to that fire.


LIGHT THAT FIRE!!!!!

80 of 100 ... Reaching the end of my rope

As much as I enjoyed camping last weekend, I am still not caught up and am finding this very frustrating.  Spinning my wheels ... need to get them to grip and to move. 

Moments of Gratitude for Thursday

1.  Today, I'm grateful for having a pretty good night's sleep.  I wasn't too tired today, as compare to yesterday.
2.  Today, I'm grateful for getting something other than the binders tended to.  Lately, (long story) when the only accomplishment is the binders, I feel like I've wasted a day. Today, was not such a case, thank goodness!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for my college friend CC - the occasional distraction and being able to envision her upcoming mountain holiday was pure joy for me! And of course, gratitude that we will be able to get together for a bit while she's here!! (Taking a day off for this!!)
4.  Today, I'm grateful for being able to go to a private American Christian liberal arts university.  There are times when I notice how 'closed' people are, how difficult they have to look beyond their own noses and experience.  If it doesn't match their square, then they reject the entire concept - truth is based on their definition of right/wrong.  That's not my perspective - for me, Truth is external, and as I seek this external Truth, I also connect to not only my Truth but the Truth of others as well.  My college influenced my perception on this and gave me the freedom and the tools to seek.
5.  Today, I'm grateful for having my own space.  It might not be what I want it to be, but at least it's mine. 

Stepping out of my Rut

New Habits
Water: 4 cups
Dishes: not yet from camping
Sleep: 7h 43m

What did I DO?
- I brought my own food which did fit my meal plan. 
- I spent time talking with CC which did my heart good! (Thank goodness for Skype!!)

79 of 100 ... Back to Work

Odd ... when "Hump Day" is the first day of the week and it feels like you've crammed 3 days into one! Quite an exhausting day!

Moments of Gratitude!

I was grateful on Wednesday
1.  when my work day was over!
2.  when I chose to go to Co-op for my lunch! They have a nice salad bar there.  It also got me out of the office and enjoying the weather, which is always a good thing!
3.  when my supper concoction (a stir-fried something) turned out to be not only edible, but pleasantly so!  Most of what I make is with recipes - this was my first attempt at "winging it".  Not too bad!
4.  when I remembered (and found time!) to cancel my dentist appointment for tomorrow.  The day was very busy so when I actually manage to do two things (to call and then find the time to do it!), that is a good thing!
5.  when I crawled into my bed at about 10:30 ... and didn't wake up until 4!! I'm so glad I never got sick when I was camping ... like I did Tuesday night!

Steps out of the Rut

New Habits
Water: 3 cups
Dishes: not yet from camping
Sleep: 6h 10m

What did I DO today?
- After seeing the Naturopath, I need to make some definite changes in my nutritional plan.  It's not going to be easy, but it will be necessary.  Today, I attempted to consume as per the plan.  I am going to have spend some time prepping for all the meals - breakfast I didn't do so great, but lunch and supper I did. 
- I wouldn't normally include the walk to Co-op, but in the light of how difficult it is right now for me to be active, I didn't shy away from moving even if it took me a while to catch my breath again.  So, I walked to get my lunch and I went up the stairs twice for binder-delivery. (For some reason, since returning home on Monday, I've been having a hard time doing anything active without running short of breath.  I hope it doesn't mean anything, but am going to monitor it until the weekend.  There is no associated pain, just shortness of breath.)

78 of 100 ... Happy Canada Day!

Moments of Gratitude for Today


Today, I'm grateful for
1.  being born in this country.  This is a great country of which to be a citizen!
2.  a day of rest.  For some reason, I was short on breath today.  I hope it means nothing, but it was nice to not have anything pressing to do. There wasn't any pain, just when I pushed myself a bit, I found myself gasping for breath. 
3.  getting my car cleaned out (took a while!) and some cleaning of the chaos done.
4.  the beautiful, warm, sunny day for all the people who were out with their families or friends doing Canada Day activities!
5.  it being a new month, the first day of the last half of 2014, and another opportunity to re-set goals and fix a new direction.  It's not about regrets but about another chance for another opportunity to improve upon what has been done thus far.


Exciting moment of the day ...
I found out my Junior College Roommate (she lives in Minneapolis) is coming to Alberta to see our mountains this month!! I foresee at least a day or two off work to spend with them!!

77 of 100 ... Catchup #4 for Monday (Jun30)

This day is a self-claimed holiday, and to take our time closing down camp, was nice.  The weather was the best of all the days - kinda felt bad to leave when the sun was finally shining! But, stuff to do, need to get my ducks in a row for the meal plans, and laundry like crazy!


Moments of Gratitude for Monday

Today, Monday June 30, I am grateful for ...


1.  easy packing up, even though it was tough because of me.  I am continually surprised at how small things are - a small roll = tent, a bit bigger roll = very warm sleeping, a car full of stuff that would keep me busy for a long time. 
2.  Chinese food for supper!  So tired when I got home, I decided to cap off the weekend with a pleasure.  It will be a long time until I do this again!
3.  having the opportunity to "pass it forward", in a way.  Our only neighbours came over in the morning, asking for some coffee (they forgot theirs).  We shared (obviously) ... the gratitude moment came when I left our last instant coffee on their picnic table when we left.  I have no idea who they were, but it was a nice feeling to do that for them.
4.  the beautiful weather! I won't complain about what we had, but I am definitely grateful we had one day (sort of) of sunshine and warm weather!
5.  ... the biggest thing I was grateful for ... THE SHOWER I TOOK WHEN I GOT HOME!! Every time I come home, I have a new appreciation for running water, for hot water heaters and flushing toilets!

76 of 100 ... Catchup #3 for Sunday (Jun29)

We were going to head home today but my camping colleague came forth ... for all her complaining about how dirty she is and how stressed she was, she wanted to stay for another day! Obviously, I said yes. :-) Who knows, I might not get out again this year.


Moments of Gratitude for Sunday

Today, Sunday June 29, I am grateful for ...


1.  the wonderful conversation I had with VG today.  There is something about human contact that is so crucial to life, and with so few people in my world right now, I forget the impact of human touch until it happens.  A simple hug, and I almost broke-down.  To anyone who reads this, let me encourage you to look around your life, and at the people that are in it ... people that walk into your room, people that complain about something, people who sit with you and watch TV or crawl into bed with you at night, people who hug you when they need a hug and when you need one.  And ... imagine what would happen if all those people were gone. I hope you are grateful for all the people you have in your world.  I hope they're grateful for you.  And for me, I was just really grateful to connect with someone in a natural, normal, friendship way today.
2.  the banter with the campground workers.  VG is definitely a more extrovert than I am and I enjoyed witnessing the banter between her and the truck that came to pick up pay.
3.  McDonald's food!  I got sent into Cochrane for a few things and took a moment to get something decadent from McD's ... I don't remember the last time I did this and it will likely be just as long before I go there again, so it was a lovely treat today!
4.  not much rain (until the evening).  The day was actually quite beautiful! I also came up with an idea for my camp chair and rain.  I had a large black plastic bag in my stuff and when I pull the chair together, I could put the bag over and keep the chair dry! Perfect!!
5.  going to sleep at night and listening to the rain on the tent roof! Cozy in my new sleeping bag, snuggled so only my nose pokes out, and the continual pitter-patter on the roof.  Soothing me into a fantastic sleep!

75 of 100 ... Catchup #2 for Saturday (Jun28)

Saturday was full of scattered showers and various spittings.  I had intentions to do planning and some cleaning, but got none of it done.  What that ended up is that I spent a lot of time thinking - about what was important to me, about how things need to change, about the path to take once I return home. And, talking with VG.  Interesting how so much of her struggles are similar to mine ... so, as I contemplated her and her situations, realizing the parallels, I also realized how much of the advice I offered her also fit me.


Moments of Gratitude for Saturday

Today, Saturday June 28, I am grateful for ...


1/ my fantastic new sleeping bag! I had gotten horribly cold last year and decided to get a new one. Paid about $100 for it and oh wow ... I think I'm in love!  I had a wonderful night's sleep - no sickness and woke to visit the "ladies room" (aka "outhouse") at about 4 AM.  Chilly!! But easy to warm up again and sleep to 10!!
2/ keeping up with the various rain squalls ... I was able to keep most of my stuff dry, which was great. it never got 'bad' but it was enough that I could never take paper out and my chair was always wet, as was every other sitting object.
3/ it being only scattered rain that we had to deal with.  No thunder or lightning storms, no wind, no hail, no snow.  All was good!
4/ "The Fire Queen"!  Hands down, one of the best things about camping with VG is her ability to get any fire started, any drenched wood will burn, and knows how to get it blazing.  I suck at this and I'm very grateful this is one of her 'gifts'!!
5/ the day to do nothing ... lots I could have done but couldn't because of weather, so to be able to reflect on all that has happened so far, was a blessing, indeed!

74 of 100 .... Catchup #1 for Friday (Jun27)

I returned from camping on June 30 (yesterday), plum-tuckered out and after unloading, called it a day.  Today, Canada Day, am ready to get back on track!  So, I did keep track of my gratitude moments for each day ... "Ketchup" time!


Moments of Gratitude for Friday


Today, Friday June 27, I am grateful for ...


1/ having a DDO today! So wonderful to have 5 days off for a fantastic break! I'm not sure if I'll get away camping another time this summer, so provided with this opportunity, I wanted to take it and make the most of it!
2/ getting some solid direction from the naturopath today.  I hope to get reimbursed for most of it, but I know I need some help and focus to get myself going in a focused direction. It seems that she's recommended the "Clean Eating" nutritional plan.  I can't start while camping, so will prep to dive in and begin on Wednesday, return to work and life.
3/getting a great camping site right by the wood! I had heard that there were a slew of people heading out into the Waiparous area and that was not the case.  I think this might be the best site we've had since coming to this campground!
4/ getting my tent up and things prepped before the first of the two drenchings came.  We also got the fire going well which also survived the rain!
5/ getting away from technology for a while!  That is one of the huge values in this - removing oneself from all the 'busy' of life and getting back to what's important.  Or maybe figuring out what is important!  I don't believe camping with a generator and microwave and movies is camping.  Camping is to completely disconnect with all that makes up our First World Nation world and breathe.