Year of Focus - 15 Day Summary

What did I learn? 

If you look at the chart below, that is what I made at the beginning of the 15 days.  It was something visual I had to look at every day and something with which to mark my progress.  And, I can see some areas to tend to, and areas that I'm doing pretty good in.
- I am faithful in taking my medication, except on Fridays.  That was not the only Friday I missed.
- I am good at keeping my blog up to date.
- I'm pretty good at keeping my sink clean.
What this shows me is the following - my steps are usually around 5000 during the week but I plummet on the weekend; I am better at achieving goals on the weekend because I'm just so unmotivated when I come home during the week; my sleep is around 5-6 hrs a night and I seem to go to sleep after 11 PM consistently.  And, I like this idea.  It's fun to see my star progress over the week. I usually look at it and think about it while I'm doing the dishes.  I guess kind of like thinking about my goals for the next day.
 

Today's Grateful Moments

Today, I was grateful for
- the beautiful day!
- a quiet evening.
- that today is Friday!
- my brother having a great evening with his daughter!
- sitting on the brink of another 100 Days and excited to do things differently and what can come of this one!

Year of Focus - Day 15

As I complete the first 15 days of 2015, I don't know if I completely agree with the above statement, but there is something worthwhile in it.  I need to do a quick check on where I've been (will review tomorrow), and then, any regrets, I let go and focus on the new direction.  I don't completely agree with the "forget where you've been" part but rather: Learn from the past, change and keep accordingly, and step forth with renewed energy and determination.  Nothing worth having comes easy. 

Today's Grateful Moments

Today, I was grateful for
- the purse that RD gave me from her trip to Thailand! It's so beautiful!!
- going for lunch (first time since re-locating downtown!) with NB.
- the hilarious story EI today me about his mother and the "thrifty" quirks of the Germans!
- my warm electric blanket that now is my constant bedtime companion!
- the last bit of my left-over pizza from dinner with RA! Perfect!

Year of Focus - Day 14

To truly focus is not an easy thing.  It's easy to get distracted, it's easy to give up, it's easy to become bored or disinterested or disheartened.  For me, it seems, I get tired ... and I have no energy to follow through.  I could say that there are probably medical reasons behind that, but I wonder what could happen if I push past it.

The image to the left is cool, I think.  if you look straight on, it almost appears like lines are moving.  If you look at it from the side, parts stand out brighter than others.  What is neat is that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' image - both images are there.  Both images are correct.  Both images are beautiful.  ... things to think about as I prepare for the next 100 Day Challenge.

Today's Moments of Gratitude

Today, I'm grateful for
- having a good day at work.
- bringing my lunch to work (I really do like that soup!)
- the beautiful weather we had today.
- knowing that RA got home safe after her "business trip".  (I'd love to have a job where I can travel!)
- finding out that my insurance will cover my new anti-coagulant medication! well, 80% of it, and that's a great start!

Year of Focus - Day 13

I'm nearing the end of these 15 days focus and some success and some observations.  I created a chart at the beginning to chart a few things and see what I can identify when I look at the last 15 days as a whole.  I have a few more days, so I won't reflect now, but I will. The first day of my first 100 Day Challenge is coming soon!  A nice evening with RA, who was in town for business.  It was short, but with work, it's all I had to give her.

Today's Gratitude Moments

Today, I was grateful for
- staying home and resting.  I wanted to do something with the day but I rested and that always feels good.
- spending the evening with RA.  It worked out well.
- sleeping in warm beds! (why didn't I have an electric blanket before?)
- getting to bed before 10:30 PM.
- the dropping scale.

Year of Focus - Day 12

Holy man ... exhausted!  Feeling horrible! I slurred through the day, accomplished things but don't ask me what, as I had the hardest time concentrating.  KA said I coughed through the night and I just wanted the day to end. Got my car from her place, home, and essentially to bed.  Waste of an evening?  I just want to feel better!


Today's Gratitude Moments

Today, I was grateful for
- coming back and not finding a parking ticket on my car!
- the cough things KA gave me, from cough candies to cough syrup.
- hot baths and my electric blanket and pre-warming my bed!!
- making it through the day and I did manage to get things done. 
- the option of taking a sick-day without having to prepare for a substitute; that was the one thing that deterred me from taking care of myself more times than I can count when I was teaching.

Year of Focus - Day 11

I got my gas tank filled today ... under $40 to fill the tank.  That has me worried.  When our economy is based on oil and gas, and gas is tanking, that's never good for the economy.  We are notorious for boom vs bust ... so, since the last bust was 2008, could this be the next one?  7 years later?  We've been pretty successful in avoiding the economic crash the world over; does this signify the end of our bubble?  All I can do is hope I remain employed through all this.  For some reason, I feel this is going to be a deciding year, in a lot of ways.

Today's Gratitude Moments

Today, I'm grateful for:
- as bad as this is, I'm grateful that it did cost me less than $40 to fill my tank.
- spending the evening with KA and watching the Golden Globes
- having my electric blanket with me!
- the text chat with my brother .... I love him and his family so much!
- getting to spend the night so I didn't have to worry about getting home late. 

Year of Focus - Day 10

In some ways, today was a loss ... in others, not so much.  Amazing how good intentions can go sideways so easily! There has got to be a way that what one sets out to do is actually checked off at the end of the day.  Don't get me wrong - things were accomplished (and money was spent!), but I feel that there was more I could have done.  If nothing else, I am being very aware of this and definitely seeking solutions to the situation.


Today's Gratitude Moments

Today, I'm grateful for.
- getting together for lunch with NB (and getting a wonderful electric blanket for Christmas!).
- purchasing a gift for her that I have long wanted to get for her ... and knowing that it was the perfect thing!
- taking the time to get a Pandora bracelet for my niece ... my brother has made me aware of how vital this is right now.
- getting a fair number of TV shows watched and off the PVR - that is a good feeling!
- living in a country where I am allowed to personally struggle with where my own line is between what is acceptable and what isn't, my rights and responsibilities, and what do I want to contribute to accomplishing in the end ... grateful for my freedom to do that!

Year of Focus - Day 9

This will be my last comment on this, though I will continue to struggle with that line on my own.  What this is showing me is that I do not blindly jump on any bandwagon and I do really try to look at all sides off an issue, as I struggle to find where I stand on the issue.  I hope others can do similar in some way.  I know, without a doubt, that I do believe in freedom of expression and freedom of speech ... but I also believe that with that freedom has to come a responsibility to ... to something that prevents hate crime and discrimination.  And, in the midst of it, how we each respond to those freedoms certainly becomes our individual responsibility - if someone mocks my belief, even if done in hatred, how i respond is in my power.  And, responding in violence is not an option ... so do I believe.  I wonder how many others are struggling with this?

At the same time as all of this is going on, in the global realm, I am also personally being prodded to acknowledge a form of ignorance - something I cannot get into much detail.  It has to do with infidelity, and how common is it.  My experience would say it is, by far more common with men than with women, but I am being shown that it is likely more common with both genders than on one side or the other.  I want to say that I don't understand infidelity, but I think it is more likely that due to my personal circumstances, I am ignorant on the topic.  And right now, the reality of it is hitting close to home with friends I really care about and I don't know how to respond.

Today's Gratitude Moments
Today, I'm grateful for
- being able to look at myself objectively and acknowledge my shortcomings.
- being able to examine where I stand on an issue, regardless of where others stand.
- the people in my life who are honest with me and (hopefully) care enough about me that really challenge me to find that place where I stand.
- having nothing so I can crash without worry (sacked out on the sofa at 8 PM!)
- a night of no interruptions! (written Saturday morning) ... no problem waking at 7:30 on my own!

Year of Focus - Day 8

The terrorist attack in Paris has begun a movement.  Amazing what can happen in a day with the use of the internet.  The movement has to do with freedom of expression, particularly in regards to satire. The thing is, only occasionally the focus of satire is part of the discussion, but freedom of expression is always.  It's interesting how I am being affected by this - I agree and I am concerned.  I have always believed in freedom of things like religion, speech, expression, etc. but there is something here that is bothering me - and I realized today it has to do with how close satire is to bullying, how close it is to a hate-crime, how close it is to discrimination.  Some might be able to tell the difference, a lot will not ... and therefore, suddenly, these that don't think that they can do all sorts of heinous things because it is now 'satire'.  I believe in freedom of speech (which is one of the reasons it bothers me that Chapters will not sell Mein Kampt by Adolph Hitler) and I believe discrimination should be stopped.  And this dialogue throughout the world right now has brought me to really examine this in my own world.  Where is that line, for me?  Maybe I should draw a cartoon where the hate crime is being called satire.

Today's Gratitude Moments:
Today, I'm grateful for
- not taking everything as everyone else does, looking at things from all sides, regardless of how it makes me feel.
- KA, and dragging me away from all this stuff, to start our "Race for the Oscars" with going to see The Theory of Everything.
- great minds like Stephen Hawking, and all they have contributed to our existence.  I am also grateful that his love for Jane extended his life from two years to well over 50.  That is a miracle!
- the opportunity to walk ... 12,664 steps!  sweet!
- alternative medications to warfarin ... I will try another one and see how it works in my life, being able to eat what I want and not worry about so many things! (And more than a glass of wine for those special occasions is now possible!! yessssss!!!)

Year of Focus - Day 7

Time - how to get more out of the time we have? how to do more with less?  So much to do.

Today's Gratitude Moments
Today, I'm grateful for
- persistence
- acknowledging the tension between standing for what you believe to be truth and desiring to find a way to do it without offending others.  (Thinking of the satire magazine in France today that experienced a terrorist attack that killed 12 people.  So much about 'freedom of speech', so little about getting along with others.  It concerns me when the culture teaches to do what you think is right, even if it offends another. I don't agree with the extremists, but I don't agree with what the cartoonists did either.  I don't know a solution, but this isn't it.)
- the food I made for myself this last weekend!
- the struggles we go through when experiencing deep change. The struggle is what makes it real.
- getting home in time to do a few things.  Somehow I have to get home earlier.

Year of Focus - Day 6

It's all in perspective ... of what we see, of what we feel, of what we think, of what we believe.  If you look at the picture to the left, what do you see?  How does it make you feel?  If I said it brings tears to my eyes, could you relate? or would you think I'm nuts?  A bunch of rose buds, right?  yes ... but there's also a heart.  Can you see it?  

If you can't see it, does that mean that it's not there?  And, then, how far would you go to stand behind your belief that it's not there?  Would you call me a liar? Would you go to your deathbed convinced that it's not there?  Would you leave me? call me names? kill me? if I insisted that the heart is there? How far would you go to stand behind your belief?  How far would you go against me if I said it was there?  How long would I continue to try to show you the heart if you really couldn't see it?

I say I have witnessed the Grace of God ... if you have not, does that mean it doesn't exist? 

Today's Gratitude Moments

Today I am grateful for

- the beautiful weather!  Not really cold, not sloppy warm.  

- being dressed so I could walk and stay warm when I missed my bus stop.

- hot baths!

- the pictures I got today of my niece and nephew! man, I miss them! 

- the confidence I feel at the start of this new year! putting knowledge into practice!

Year in Focus - Day 5

Well, the beautiful weather we have had is over and we are now officially into the beautiful weather of winter!  A bit cold, a fair amount of snow (and more to come), and a darn good excuse to become a hermit as much as possible!  Man, does my bed feel amazing on mornings like these! Sadly, I also now need to get to work on mornings like this.  However, bundle up with an extra layer, make sure I wear warm boots, and I'm good to go!  I didn't grow up in Winnipeg for nothing!!

Today's Gratitude Moments

Today, I was grateful for:
- being productive all day.
- bringing my own lunch ... yum!
- the weather ... it wasn't -30!!
- getting to work by just after 7 AM.
- still being cold enough to stay in when I finally got home. :-) 

Year of Focus - Day 4

I am struck by how weak our communication skills are - with our self and with others.  We live in a world where there is a never-ending supply of words and thoughts, stories and technology, but for all there is, we are a very broken group of people.  Broken as a group and removed from our self.  We are losing the ability to communicate with others, honestly and truthfully, and we are losing touch with our self, who we really are.  It bothers me that there are people who used to be in my life that have left me, for reasons they refuse to say.  I am left to guess, and I certainly don't grow or change because I don't know what I've done.  And, I've been silenced as well, now also unable to express / communicate where or how I've been hurt.  And, it seems it doesn't matter ... my pain doesn't matter to them, and they are determining that their pain doesn't matter to me.  But it does ... and the communication is broken and the pain deepens.

Gratitude Moments for Today
Today, I'm grateful for
- the wonderful food I made for my week!
- the fantastic sheets I have that make my bed so cozy.
- not needing to go anywhere today so I stayed in; I could have gone out but it was good to stay in.
- a good break, full of rest and some visiting
- the job I'm going to tomorrow; I'm excited to dive back into my tasks!

Year of Focus - Day 3

Today was a very productive day in many ways.  I did not turn the TV on until about 11:30 PM and got some solid work done around the house and in regards to setting forth into this year. I have decided to have both goals and the challenges - goals to achieve by the end of the year, similar to my 5 areas from last year, and then the challenges to focus on something specific, a daily push for something that may or may not be part of the 5 areas.  I have a binder in which it will all be logged - My Life Binder.


In a nutshell, this is what I've set forth:  There's more but this is where it starts.  This should keep me busy!
Jan 1-15:  Preparing the Focus
Jan 16 - Apr 25:  100 Day Challenge #1 - Nutrition
Apr 26-30:  Reset / Evaluate
May 1 - Aug 8: 100 Day Challenge #2 - Exercise
Aug 9-28: Mini 20-Day Challenge
Aug 29 - Dec 6: 100 Day Challenge #3
Dec 7-31: Mini 25-Day Challenge

Today's Gratitude Moments:
Today, I'm grateful for
- the truly beautiful winter weather!
- the headway I made on my preparation
- getting my transit pass before Monday!
- the laundry I got done
- maintaining my focus to the tasks at hand.

Year of Focus - Day 2

 How do you focus on something?  How you do center your mind and your time on a thing and progress towards that destination?  Is it just a matter of doing it?  Or is there something else you do?  Even the Bible says: "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you" (Proverbs).  Is it where the eyes are looking?  Is it where the feet are standing?  Is it what the mind is centered on?  or is it a mixture of all this and more?

I think that it is important on knowing what you are going to focus on.  The more specific, the better.  Knowing what that end vision is so that you know when you've achieved it.  Now, there is something also to be said for 'seasons' - a time to plan and a time to do.  You cannot spend all the time planning or nothing will be achieved.  But neither can you dive into something without knowing what needs to be done.  If you do the latter, there is great chance on being distracted into things that are either time consuming, have nothing to do with the goal or something that can/should be done later.

If there are 365 days in a year and if I plan to break it up into 3 - 100 Day Challenges, that leaves me with 65 days left (today would be 64).  If I want 50 days for something short (or 25+25), that would leave me with 15 days.  About 2 weeks.  Therefore, I am setting my ducks in a row to begin the first 100 Day Challenge on Friday, January 16th. From now until then will be establishing the focus, setting my house in order, getting things ready, determining my direction.

Today's Gratitude Moments:
Today, I'm grateful for
- witnessing, in the middle of chaos and pain, faith in action.
- prayer
- how the year is beginning to take form.
- those who are in my life and surround me with encouragement and support.
- snowstorms!

The Year of Focus

Well, here we are ... 2015 is upon us. A new year, pregnant with possibility. What shall be birthed this year? What new roads shall I take? What new sights shall I see? What new lessons shall I learn? What new friends shall I make? What new life shall I live?

Resolutions - the making of resolutions date back many moons. As far as the Babylonians, apparently! Dictionary definition? to resolve to do something, a course of action determined or decided upon. Common New Year's Resolutions for us include things like losing weight or quitting smoking ... for the Babylonians, it was returning farm equipment! Oh, how far things have come since then! Theirs seemed to be about community relationships and growth; ours seems to be about self improvement and betterment as compared to others.

Over the years I have made resolutions; but like most people, by the time December rolls around, they are all but forgotten. In the last few years, I have altered my thinking a bit and decided to give my year 'themes' to focus on. One year was " The Year of Cleaning Up My Shit". I was doing quite well on it until February hit - and my computer crashed. Why is this important? Because one of the areas I cleaned was all the random documents, all my computer files, etc. ... and I had just gotten it all cleaned up ... and I lost it all. After that, it was like my mind went into 'survival mode', and not much else was accomplished. Another year, it was "The Year of Finding my True Path" ... and something happened to derail that one as well.  It seems I always start with good intentions, and the life happens and my focus goes out the window.  Therefore, this year, I am calling my "Year of Focus".  Everything needs to be with that as the lens. 

I had wanted to start another 100 Day Challenge today.  I'm not going to beat around the bush nor explain but I am not going to start today.  In fact, I might not start one again ... but I am going to do something different ... the same but different.  As the "foundation" gets laid, I will share.  What I need from here is a place to come to be accountable, a place to report, a place to reflect.  Change is never easy.  Perhaps there are people who are able to set their mind, flip the switch and make the change like making instant coffee, but I don't think that's how it is for most.  Especially if it's about changing a life.

Now, I will say that I might write things that don't make sense to you, and that's ok.  It's not about making you understand, it's about being honest with myself, being consistent and having a place to go back to see patterns, to see events, to dig below the surface so that the change is complete, to remain focused.

For today, I want to return to the Gratitude Journal.  That is something that is good to practice anytime, anywhere, and I found that when I stopped here, I thought it but never wrote it down. Change in habit needs to be for always, not just for the time of the experiment, so if I didn't write it here, I should have written it somewhere.  This will all gain shape as I put the effort in and establish that.

Today's Gratitude Moments:
Today, I am grateful for
- being invited to CP's for supper.  I do so enjoy talking with her!
- the roof over my head and the job I do; sometimes I don't feel like I have much, but at least I have these two things! and from there, other things can come.
- the freedom I have to create the life I desire.
- the last three days I have off before returning to work! I plan to make every one of them count!
- the nutrition ideas CP shared with me (and the marvelous soups she gave me!).  What a fantastic launch to the New Year!

Enjoy my little side-trip into creativity?
Any particular one that piqued your interest for more?