... as the memory of joy in present grief."
A tough day ... I guess certain days will always be marked with strong memories, and those memories will attached on to other ones, so the loss becomes greater than the moment. Two years ago, on this day, my father went home. Today, two years later, I am still struggling down the path I began that day.
Moments of Gratitude Today
1. Today, I'm grateful for the discussions I had with dad, the talks on theology and history. He might not have graduated from high school, but he knew his theology!
2. Today, I'm grateful that my father outlived my mother.
3 Today, I'm grateful that my father loved me and showed he loved me in his way; he may have loved my brother more and invested in him more, but he still encouraged me to do things that were not common in either family (nor wanted by my mother) - to go to university. I know my attendance and graduation from Concordia is because he supported me.
4. Today, I'm grateful for the times I spent with him - yes, I have regrets, but I need to focus on the times we did have: going for pizza, doing some grocery shopping, watching hockey or football games. I watched the Chicago/Los Angeles final game of the semi-finals tonight (Hawks lost), and I remembered when I would have watched this game with Dad. He liked the Hawks, too.
5. Today, I'm grateful for the tears, because it says I still miss him. I had a good dad.
(6. Today, I'm grateful that it took two years before I spent an anniversary alone! I'm grateful that the night that dad died, that my friend NB did not yet have her boyfriend so she could spend the time with me; I'm grateful that a year ago my friend KA had bought tickets for us so I could spend the evening at a theatre production with her and her mother. It was not an easy day, but it was good that it came 2 years late, and for that, and for the support I got the last two years on this day, I am very grateful. Today, only RA remembered ... thank you.)
No Steps Today.
I just wanted the day to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment