I opened the door to my small apartment at the end of the day one Friday in mid-December. I had not put up my decorations yet and the first winter storm of the season had started in earnest that afternoon. I felt immense gratitude the instant that my car pulled safely into my parking spot without an accident. Closing the door behind me, I stomped off the snow which had began to create a nice coat of its own between the car and my door. A small snowdrift could be seen in a circle on the carpet around me. I carefully stepped over it and pushed off my boots, knowing that the rug will soak most of the snow up when it melts and I'll worry about the rest later.
My apartment was silent and dark. I checked my cell phone - nothing. He had said he was going to come to visit tonight, but if he wasn't here by now and if he hadn't left a message, I didn't know if he was on his way or not. I may as well give it a bit more time; after all, he's more daring with driving in weather like this than I am.
I wasn't really hungry but man, was I cold! The chill of the storm seemed to have done a good job of starting to take hold of my insides on the short walk from car to door. Somehow I have to shake this bite I'm feeling.
A bath. That's what I would have - a bath. And that would warm me up, for sure! And I would make this my special treat. After, I would figure out what happened to him.
I headed into the bathroom. I pulled the candles off the high shelf and positioned them along the edge of the bathtub and on the shelf that spreads across the tub. I wouldn't light them until I was ready - I wanted to completely relax and start the weekend in a good place. I turned on the bathwater, testing it to be that special sweet spot - hot but not so hot that I couldn't stand it. Finding my favourite bubble bath and scented Calvin Klein bathsalts, I poured them in and the aroma burst forth.
I went back and checked my door: the main lock was turned but the secondary chain one was not. Good. I was safe and if he came while I was in the bathtub, he could easily get in with his key. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine and found the lighter to take with me.
Turning out all the lights in the apartment, save the reading light in the living room, I walked into the bathroom and turned off the taps. Lighting the lighter, I lit the candles around the bath, on the counter, and the two on the bath shelf. The glass of wine was positioned in between. The room took on a golden glow and the wine took on the quality of deep blood red.
Almost reverently, I took my clothes off. So often I had avoided looking at my naked self in the mirror, disgusted with what I saw, but this time, with the golden wash over everything, I resolved to honour my self instead. I stood naked, avoiding the mirror again, and breathed in. I felt the golden sheer play on the curves of my body. Help me love my self; help me love all of my self, I prayed.
The bathtub was almost overflowing with bubbles - they looked like a million little candle sparkles! I carefully pushed through the bubbles, trying hard not to disturb them too much, and my toe touched the blissfully lusciously warm water. Slowly, I felt the almost-hot water encase my foot, over my foot to my calf ... heaven! I repeated the same with my other leg. Very carefully, little by little, I slid into the heat, letting it envelope me and begin to push the cold away.
With a bit of an awkward dance (I chuckled to myself - thank goodness there was no video focused on me now!), I slowly figured out, with a few false attempts, how to slide into the bath, keeping the candles lit and my wine glass upright. When I finally settled with my back on the pillow, the still-full wine glass in front of me, I breathed a sigh of relief and let the hot water begin to work its magic.
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