31 - Love My Family Pt 2

I have had those moments lately where I've been whining about the absence of support in my life.  Yes, I know that I have friends that check in with me every so often (and RA often calls me for a few min every day), but sometimes I feel I get lost in the shuffle.  I know that those things that are deep in me, those things that keep me awake at night are not the things I share.  I don't what to make it all about me, so I keep silent and I let it be all about them.  Sometimes, I'll open that "Pandora's Box" a crack, but not for long and not for much. 

So, what I have decided to do is ... something completely opposite, something by my choice - I am going to talk to my nephew and niece separately once a week, as long as they want, and make it all about them.  It's odd when that happens - I come away from the conversation feeling stronger and able to take hold of my own problems.  And, my own problems really are much less than what these two (and my brother) are burdened with right now.  I talk to my brother a lot - a good 3-4 hrs a week, often at one time, but I realized that though I always asked about them, they didn't know it.  And, they didn't know how much I love them and care about them.  I know, for me, time spent with a person is important to me, spend time with me and I 'read' it that you care about me  - so, since I really don't know them really well, we'll start here and go from there.  In this way, I also feel like I have a family.

What does this do about my "Pandora's Box" of emotions?  I'm not sure ... all that is still there.  I guess that will be for another entry.  But, for here, the phone calls to my niece, my nephew and my brother, and letting them talk about their burdens, and not including and inserting my issues, does help me in a way with mine. 

Gratitude Moments for Today 
1/ Today, I'm grateful for spending time with my nephew.  He really is an amazing kid ... and we even talked about the Charlie Hedbow incident!  I joked once about this, because it's a huge thing with so many layers, and that it really isn't something to talk about with young people - and yet, when I brought up the incident, my nephew knew of the attack! We didn't talk much, but a bit.  How many Grade 8 students do you know that can talk about that??  This will be good practice for me to learn to ask questions that open the door to discussion, that encourages him to talk.
2/ Today, I'm grateful that TK called me to talk.  I know she is going through a bit of a challenging time, out of her comfort zone, and I'm grateful that she calls me to vent her burden. I'm honoured that she trusts me that much.
3/ Today, I'm grateful that I could be home for these phone calls.  I was going to go out to a friend's but was so exhausted and chose to stay home.  And I'm grateful that I did.
4/ Today, I'm grateful for the beautiful weather that continues!  This is so abnormal for this time of the year, and the snow is returning (and so, probably, is the complaining!), so I appreciate it and enjoy it while I can!
5/ Today, I'm grateful for the opportunity that is before me.  Not sure what to do with it yet, but I do recognize it as an opportunity, a gift.