19 - Confidence or Narcissism?

A couple of years ago, a person I thought was a good friend turned on me, accused me of being a narcissist and removed herself from my life.  I was stunned. This hit me in a way that made me fearful to interact with others - what if I was and I didn't realize it?   Every time I looked in the mirror, I wondered - am I a narcissist? Even today, I chew on that a bit and reflect back over my life (as only I can) and tell myself, no - she is wrong.  As fate would have it, it turns out that there is someone in my life that really is a narcissist, and one that is leaving quite a wake of destruction in her path.  I don't want to get into who it is, but I do want to grapple with this a bit - first: what is it?  

From the internet -- Narcissistic personality disorder, also known as NPD, is a personality disorder in which the individual has a distorted self image, unstable and intense emotions, is overly preoccupied with vanity, prestige, power and personal adequacy, lacks empathy, and has an exaggerated sense of superiority.  That's not me ... and that's not how this former friend referred to me.  I think she threw the word out to me because she perceived me as talking always about myself, about making everything about me, about not giving to others.  I would beg to differ, but instead of correcting her, let's say for this that it's true. Hmmm ... that is not in the definition of NPD! A personality disorder is a serious thing and I can confidently say that I do not have this disorder.  Other disorders, perhaps, but not this one.

What about a plain ol' narcissist? Is that possible?  Something tells me that narcissism is more than thinking highly of yourself. We do live in a world where we are encouraged to think highly of ourselves, to love ourselves, to have a positive self-image ... but there is a line that is easily crossed to where it all goes wrong. The other line is the other side of that coin - where we take responsibility for our lives and correct mistakes we made and relationships we hurt ... walking a bit further it goes from "it's all my fault" to "I am bad."

I have come to the conclusion that most people who use that word, truly don't know what it means ... and I also think it is probably more prevalent in our world than we realize.  I think a lot of people who use that word to point fingers are, in fact, struggling with something themselves. 

Is narcissism prevalent in me?  Hmmm ... aye, there's the rub! 

Gratitude Moments for Today
1/ Today, I am grateful for having the means to professionalize my wardrobe a bit more.  Interviews are not easy and that first impression means a lot!  Add to that - age, weight, grey hair ... 2 of the three I can do nothing about.  So, it is imperative that I do something about the things I can affect!  And, now, I have a kick-ass interview outfit (or two!).
2/ Today, I'm grateful that I was one of the ones picked for the interview at Stantec tomorrow.  I've weighed the sides well, and if offered, I'll take it.  If not offered, then the practice is great!
3/ Today, I'm grateful for the continued beautiful weather!  When I read about the horrific weather out east (snowbanks big enough to bury cars!), it is a treat to wear capris and light shoes outside in February!
4/ Today, I'm grateful for the glasses I decided to buy.  They are both different enough from each other that they will be fun to wear and for once in my life, I'll have a choice!
5/ Today, I'm grateful for the friends in my life that check in with me occasionally to see how I'm doing. If it wasn't for them, my life could get mighty isolated!