30 of 100 ... Pause, Relax, Focus

Today was a day when I felt like I had little time to work on my steps.  It wasn't a waste of a day, but I sure am looking forward to this weekend and getting myself back on track!  I'm not going to change my steps, but keep them as they are for a bit, and see if I can begin to master them, even if it takes the rest of the 100 days to do that.  I took a bit of time after work to step back and deal with a thing or two that I needed some focus.  I seem to have so much on my "Must do" list that I don't know where to begin.  Tonight, I picked one ... and started there.  I have to remember, this isn't a race ... it's a process to change. 


Moments of Gratitude
1  Today, I was grateful for taking a bit of money and purchasing a few items of clothing that fit, easy things to springboard from my winter clothing items to these.  And, when they fit, I can be confident and comfortable in them. Now, to find a pair of shoes that don't hurt my feet!
2.  Today, I'm grateful for the gift I bought myself as part of this challenge.  I purchased a Pandora bracelet, the Essence bracelet.  And, I decided to purchase the first charm for my first 25 days.  I bought the 'Faith' one - because I want to look at it and remind myself that I have faith in myself that I CAN do this and change my life.  "That, if it is to be, it's up to me."  And, remind myself that with my Faith, I don't ever have to struggle alone.  It's a purple amethyst charm, which reminds me of The Color Purple ... and that's a good thing to remember!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for completing today the task I began yesterday. 
4.  Today, I'm grateful for getting through the last 4 months, and maintaining a sense of humour, strength that things are far from over yet, anticipation for what is yet to come, and a growing determination to not let go or give up, regardless of what is around the corner. I sat and listed the medical visits and procedures and challenges from the last 4.5 months and my first thought was "so that's why"... 
5.  Today, I am grateful for the lady who helped me at the Pandora store.  I told her a bit about what I was doing, and somehow my challenge I'm going through came out.  My problem with time.  She didn't say anything directly that helped, but indirectly, what she said got me thinking along a different path.  I'm going to try something different this weekend and see if that can help me in the week(s) to come with this challenge. 


Steps out of my Rut:
Cups of water: 5
Day’s Calories: unknown
Food groups (out of 5): 4 of the 5 (no fruit)
Activity: no (unless you count walking in the mall? nah, I wouldn't)
Clean sink: yes!
Meds: yes!
Sleeping: 7h 40m, but I was up at least 4 times, and was not well, taking a while to fall asleep.
Sofa/Sleep ratio: only 1-2 hrs watching TV
Deep clean: none
Reading: 10 min at work; want to read a bit more before bed.




Remember, this isn't a race. 

29 of 100 ... A Problem Rears its Head

I have encountered a problem ... I've seen it coming, and sometimes I can avoid it.  Tonight, it became very evident, and I'm not sure how to resolve it.  The problem - I truly am short on time.  Today, I left work at 6:00, stopped to get gas and a few cooking items (I wanted to make something but hit a brick wall, so stopped at Costco to pick up something), and I got home by 7:00.  Now, I don't like eating after 6:30 because I don't sleep well and get sick.  Tonight, it was ready by 8:00 ... but I only ate a bit.  What did I eat?  Any junk food I could get my hands on ... I desperately had 2 tasks that I needed to get done ... I got 1/2 of one done by 9:30 ... time to go to bed.  Tonight, I had exactly 2.5 hrs in which to eat, do my evening tasks and get to bed by 9:30.  But that is not good to make food, eat and let it settle before bed.  Does this make any sense to anyone other than me?  No wonder it doesn't make sense and is so frustrating to make it work.  My stomach now is not doing well, and I am worried I won't be sleeping until late again.  Grrr!!! Somehow, I have to find a way out of this or I'll be stuck in my tracks here.


Gratitude - was there any today?
1.  Today, I'm grateful for taking my own lunch.
2.  Today, I'm grateful for getting part of my own task done.
3.  Today, I'm grateful for getting the cancer spot on my arm removed and back to work within an hour.
4.  Today, I'm grateful for my frustration; if I'm frustrated, then there's more of a likelihood that I'll do something about it.
5.  Today, I'm grateful for heading to bed right after this.


Steps out of the Rut ...
I feel like I had no success in anything today.  I had no time.  How do I get out of this???

28 of 100 ... Monday, Mixed Blessings

Moments of Gratitude for Monday
1.  Today, I'm grateful for the beautiful weather - I got out at lunch and went for a walk to Starbucks for a coffee to stay awake during the afternoon meeting.  It worked!
2.  Today, I'm grateful for being able to share one of my favourite novels with LL.  One of the hardest things about not teaching is never teaching this novel again ... and now, I get to do it! I'm so excited!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for a gift that came out of the blue.  A woman from work, who I don't know very well, came to me and asked if I would edit a bit of her writing.  I was floored ... and so deeply honoured!  It's easy to think of yourself like everyone else, and when someone not only notices something, but does something to honour what you thought was nothing special, I am reminded of things I really am good at doing.  She said she was asking me because she really likes how I write and she wanted my help with making her writing better. Wow.
4.  Today, I'm grateful for ... for being reminded that there are special things about me.  It's easy to forget that when there's no one to remind me. 
5.  Today, I'm grateful for being safe.  I don't know what happened above me, in the space where the people are supposed to be away on holiday, but whatever made the noise, left me alone. 


Steps out of my Rut (not many today)
Cups of water: 2 cups
Day’s Calories: unknown.  Did really good until getting home.
Food groups (out of 5): 4 out of 5 - no fruit
Activity: yes - 20 min walk to and from Starbucks
Clean sink: yes
Meds: yes
Sleeping: went to bed at 9:30, but fell asleep around midnight.  6 hrs sleep
Sofa/Sleep ratio: watched only about 1.5 hrs
Deep clean: none
Reading: read about a page.  Not enough to count

27 of 100 ... Next 25% Focus

Though new habits are not set, there's enough of a nudge towards them that I feel comfortable adding something more.  I did a bit of an assessment at the start of the year, and did a bit of dreaming for setting goals.  It kind of came down to one question - "what 5 things could I change to pull my life in line with what I desire? ... and from those 5 things, what would be the 1 thing that could launch a change in everything?" The answer?  My health.  And how ironic that my life-path took me down trails over the next few months that brought my health into serious examination.  So, I want to make that the focus of the next 25% of this experiment. 


Gratitude Moments from Today:
1.  Today, I am grateful for getting a few tasks done around my place. 
2.  Today, I am grateful for a new friend - LL.  We met at work, and for two women, similar in age, different in culture, we are going to get along fabulously! I learned how to make genuine, real Chinese food!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for books.  So many books, so little time!  I'm going to go to bed shortly (the PVR can handle anything on TV), and delight in another chapter or two!
4.  Today, I'm grateful for getting the chance to share my favourite novel with someone.  Maybe, in some way, I'll be able to "teach" it again.  (One of my greatest regrets is not being about to teach this novel ... and here, in a way, I have that change again!)
5.  Today, I'm grateful for the positive things my mother did teach me - giving, perseverance, integrity, and taking pride in what you do.  The blanket on my bed was made with her hands, for which I do cherish, and I have an aptitude for sewing that I believe comes from her. 


Getting Out of the Rut:
1. Cups of water: 3 (but not in bed yet)
2. Clean sink: yes
3. Salad - yes;  fruit - yes
4. Activity: no (note a negative development of some sort happening here)
5. Meals: sort of
6. Meds: yes

Ok ... I said that it's time to up-the-anti and attempt to solidly turn some of these things around, address that item of note, and put this experiment on a definite path.

I did an experiment a week ago and in part, this is going to be part of the next 25% - not only will I set the next day in writing, but I want to include a documentation of the day's calorie intake (keeping it between 1200-1500), recording for 6 of the 7 days a week, do a daily check for not only 6-8 glasses of water, but also nothing all food groups (protein, fruit, vegetables, milk, and grains, with an emphasis on becoming "gluten-wise").

Also, I want add:
- sleeping in my bed every night, and the time on the sofa needs to be 1/2 the time in bed. (I seem to be doing too much sleeping on my sofa, sitting up, which does nothing good for my ankles and feet!)
- reading 20-30 minutes every day.
- spending 15+ minutes cleaning some part of my place that requires a deeper cleaning (note: something to do when NOT on the sofa!!)


And ... on that note ... write my plan for tomorrow and off to bed go I!!

26 of 100 ... Digging In

With the first quarter of this completed, it feels like this is sinking in, becoming real, like I really do have something within my grasp.  There is a pull within me, but a good one.  I think it's the beginning of the need to let something go wrestling with the old habits they have established.


Gratitude Moments for Today:
1.  Today, I'm grateful for having a nice day at home.  I got some things done, but with it coldish and rainy outside, it was nice to spend part of the day at home.
2.  Today, I'm grateful for being able to get out with a friend. Dinner and a movie (Non-Stop) ... a good, cheap, mindless movie that kept you wondering.  Perfect for a rainy evening!
3.  Today, I'm grateful for my little apartment.  It's not much, but it's cozy and it's mine. 
4.  Today, I'm grateful for clean clothes ... I know it's an odd one, but whenever I wash my clothes and there's nothing left in the hamper and they're all put away, I know my clothes are all clean and that's a great feeling.  (Next weekend: the Winter/Summer Switch!)
5.  Today, I'm grateful that all my health scares of the last few months are turning out to be false.  It's not that I'm scared of dying, but I don't feel like I've fully lived yet and so I want to do that before the lights go out for the last time.  Maybe that cloud over me is affecting my thinking, but if it is, I hope it's in a good way. Today, I'm just grateful that I still have time to correct my mistakes.  Listening to my friend VG this evening, I felt the empowerment inside me, strengthening and resolving to DO what I need to - my advice to her sure resonated with me, what I suggested to her are the same things I should follow through myself.


Steps out of my Rut:
1. Cups of water: 4 (but I'm not going to bed yet)
2. Clean sink: YES!
3.  Salad (YES!); fruit (not yet)
4.  Activity: no
5.  Meals:  YES
6.  Meds:  YES!!


It's time to up the anti again ...

25 of 100 ... 1/4 to my Destination!

Today marks 1/4 to the destination.  And, I do hope that this leads to new (good) habits and old (bad) habits drop away.  Like everything, nothing happens overnight.  Challenges are great, and costs are weighed.  But I know that, already, in small ways, I'm not who I was 25 days ago.


Gratitude Moments for Today

1.  Today, I am grateful for knowing what I need to do to get me out of this rut, grateful to know that with enough attempts and enough effort, complaining about what 'is' becomes a thing of the past, and who I once was, the best parts I keep and the others, I let drop to the wayside.  I've not arrived yet, but a few steps I have made, and for those steps and for the knowing, I am grateful.
2.  Today, I'm so grateful for a massage.  The stress and tightness becomes almost unbearable and I have to find a solution. Maybe there are things I can do to reduce future pain ... something to look into!  Also, it was nice to be touched again - nothing inappropriate, just something about acknowledging my presence in human touch.  I often go so long without it that I really notice it when it happens.
3.  Today, I'm grateful for finding out what I need to do to get myself on my financial feet.  I knew parts, but today I know the whole picture.
4.  Today, I'm grateful for the woman who spoke to me about financial matters ... I'm grateful that she really understood me.  She walked a strikingly similar path to mine and she's right - one day you open your eyes and realize you truly have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.  At least 'through' it enough that you can look back and see you are not where you once were.
5.  Today, I'm grateful for having the opportunity to 'talk' to an old friend that was once so important to me, to tentatively test the waters to see if the friendship is still there.  I'm not sure how to move forward, not sure how much of me I should dismiss in the process, not sure where that line is.  But, I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to take these steps, to attempt to mend, and go from there.  The discussion was without depth, but positive.  And right now, positive is good.


Steps out of my Rut
1. Cups of water: 6
2. Clean sink: not yet.
3.  Salad (no); fruit (no) - I got home at 8:30 and I don't want to eat past 7:00. 
4.  Activity: no (does the massage count?  muscles hurt!)
5.  Meals:  wrote down what I ate, and it varied a bit from what I planned.
6.  Meds:  YES!!


25% of this experiment is done.  I am going to purchase myself a gift that will become my reward for change.  I'll try to include a picture when I get it!

24 of 100 ... Old Habits and New Habits

A weight today that has been growing for 24 days ... perhaps this is when the rubber meets the road.  When the game changes.  It seemed as if I ran away, an attempt to do what I once did (hence, writing this on Friday, and not Thursday the day in question) and it felt wrong.  Disoriented, unfocused, wasted.  In trying to get on top of the growth opportunity, I realize there could also be a cost to me.  Thursday - I ran away from this challenge but it's become more than that.


Gratitude Moments for Thursday
1.  On this day, I was grateful for taking action on something my default would be to stick my head in the sand and ignore.  Not this time.
2.  On this day, I was grateful for the utterly beautiful weather!  this day, I did get out and enjoy it, if even for a bit!
3.  On this day, I'm grateful for getting some much-needed items.  It sure helps one's confidence and inner strength when you know you are better than what you were. 
4.  On this day, I'm grateful for the hoodie that my company got for me and the other administrators.  It's at moments like that that we do feel acknowledged and appreciated. 
5.  On this day, I'm grateful for starting to get an idea where I want to go and what I want to do.  Finally, I am starting to sense something that resonates within: nothing new, but more a determination to take a step and see where it takes me.


Steps out of my Rut
1. Cups of water: 6. (I bought myself a new glass for work ... makes it enjoyable to get another glass of water! ... I just have to measure how many cups is in one glass!) 
2. Activity: sort of but not really. 
3. Empty sink: yes
4. Meals: planned my meals but didn't follow through on them. 
5.  Salad/Fruit:  had a bit of a salad at lunch but no fruit during the day.
6.  Meds? Yup!