39 - Hoarding or Clutter?

     Occasionally, lately, I seem to have watched a few episodes of Hoarders: Buried Alive. And, there are times when I wonder how close I am to being diagnosed as a 'hoarder'.  When I look around my possessions, and imagine all there is, I do wonder.  Some might think it is more probable than possible! When I read over the diagnostic criteria, I can see myself in some form in all the items ... not massively strong, but I am there. I am really trying to eliminate things from my life ... I want to move, and I don't want to move things that need to be removed from my life. I want to reduce and simplify.  And, I know last summer I threw out a bunch of high school / college notes and mementos .... there was a bit of a sick feeling when I did that, and I occasionally think about it, but I try to dismiss it as I haven't had need for it.  I can't remember everything I threw out (good thing!) ... and I know I need to continue this.
     It seems that there is often a trigger incident of some sort that initiates the hoarding.  If I look back over my life, asking when did this start, I would probably say when I moved to this province in 1990. That seems to be when the boxes began to accumulate. Over the years, there were times when my possessions would diminish ... but then they accumulate again.  And, to my credit, it was me who made them diminish. But 1990 - what happened in 1990?  Interesting, about 2 years ago, I visited a woman who reads "something" (I don't know how to explain it).  She identified 3 times in my life that I encountered something severely traumatic, something I have yet to let go of - once was before I was born, once was in about 2008 and once was in ... 1990. Here is not the place to get into any of this ... all I'm putting forth here is that I recognize that I have hoarding traits, I accept there might be a reason for them, and I continue to push forth - through the hoarding and through whatever those three events are.  I think I know.
     One step at a time ... one step forward and don't look back.

Gratitude Moments for Today:

1. Today, I'm grateful for a good phone call from one of the agencies. The question was about overtime - my answer was: I want to do the best job I can; in a perfect world, I want to know that when the job leaves my hands and responsibility, that it is the best I can do.  And that means the JOB is the priority for me, not the hours regulated to the task. I think I gave the right answer.
2.  Today, I'm grateful for hearing that a friend got a new job!  I don't know the details, but I find it inspiring when people get jobs in this economy! (And I'm sooo glad she got one!)
3. Today, I'm grateful for seeming to keep up with the "minimal cleaning" in my place.  About 2 weeks ago, I
got very agitated and disgusted with myself.  I did a pretty good 'general clean' all at once, and have been trying to keep it up on a daily basis.  So far, I think I'm doing ok - now, to dive deep into the cleaning of a spot and add that to the "minimal cleaning" for daily upkeep.
4. Today, I'm grateful to hear that another friend that went into a tense situation last night came out "with God's fingerprints all over it".  Love when that happens!
5. Today, I'm grateful for hearing that God is alive and well ... in others' lives and because I believe that, then I believe He is alive and well in mine, also. God works according to the person, and I know this is a time for miracles.  In my life, too ... and for that, I am very grateful!