She was the best friend I had since school. And now, this is where it ends. I can't believe after all we had been through, after everything we had done together, that it is finished. But, I guess that's what happens when one's life goes one way and the other goes another. I've come to the conclusion that even though there is so much talk in our world about how we need to support those around us, that often it really is how everyone needs to support 'me', and if 'you' need support, it's too much effort for 'me'.
Maybe it had come to the point where she and I could no longer empathize with the other. Victoria's life was all about Victoria. It had always been .. and so long that I made my life all about Victoria, too, all went well. However, it had come to the point where everything important to me would default to Victoria ... if I was in pain, she was in more pain; if I was busy, she was more busy; if I was confused, she was more confused; if I was reading a book, hers was better. The sad thing was that I now kept things to myself, I no longer shared things of my heart with her, and consequently, I shared them with no one. I know human relationships are the reason we are here, and I felt that I had none - who I am matters to no one, not even my best friend.
But this night, this night that ended it all came because I had reached the end. Everything in my life was gone, my family was gone, my career was gone, my world was gone. And, when I wanted to speak to Victoria about my anguish, she said, "Oh, hun, don't be so sad ... that's nothing. Things are much worse for me ..."
At which point, I cut her off. "Tori, I've had it. This isn't 'nothing', this is something. Something of significance to me. And if you don't know me by now, maybe you never knew me at all." I had no idea how to proceed, how to communicate to her that this was a crucial point in my life. It wasn't a headache or a sore muscle, it was like my soul was being choked.
"Oh hun," she began again with a sigh.
"Don't 'hun' me," I was upset. "You have no idea."
"I've had it tough, too, you know. It's been forever since I've been able to get a new pair of shoes," she sighed, "and my Jimmy Choo's are getting so worn!"
"Screw your Choo's! I don't have money for food! It's just a matter of time before I lose my home! Don't you get it?" I all but screamed at her.
"Perhaps you should not have spent all that money last year. And if you lost weight ..."
"What? You really don`t get it. This isn`t about a pair of shoes, it`s about my life! And if you cannot understand, if you cannot empathize, then maybe this is where it ends. Tori, I`ve stood by you through every difficulty and every frustration you have gone through. And now, when I need you to do the same for me, you can`t. You still make it about you. Tori, I have nothing any more, and I`m done."
I turned and walked out the door, closing it firmly behind me. I guess I`ll now know what it`s like to be without a best friend.
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