Day 4

 

Maybe what I should do, instead of titling the entry "Day X", just use a word for the prompt? And keep the icon? That way, anything with the icon on the left side is part of the writing exercise and I can post other entries in between. It's not about a number; it's about forming a habit. I suppose I could also tag it? We'll see. 

Prompt: Write about a Sideways Glance

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She sat on the subway train, engrossed in her novel. The heroine was kidnapped, and the hero didn't know she was gone yet. Oh, how will they be reunited? Stations came and went, and here she sat. 

A young man got on at the Greenbank Station. His day had been long, and he was overwhelmed with life. Being fired wasn't what he wished for to happen in his day, but he knew there would be a blessing in it, at some point. He hated his job, but this forced him to step away from it. He sat on an empty bench and slouched over. Thoughts of frustration and 'what now?' raced through his mind. 

As he sat there, contemplating his next move, the train started to make a squealing sound. A harsh vibration shuddered through the car and he looked outside to see if he could see anything. Sparks were flying along the wall of the tunnel they were in; something had surely got dragged under the car! Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed an older woman, completely captivated by her novel. She didn't even look up at the spine-tingling sound. 

Looking up, he saw a conductor of some sort coming down the aisle. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt you; we are going to have to stop for a while. Something has gotten lodged under the train and we will need to find a way to remove it," he said. 

Muttering and indistinguishable words began a soft hum around him. He wondered what this was about. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked the conductor. 

"Not at this time, sir. Please just stay in your seat. I'm sure we'll have this resolved in a minute or two and we'll be on our way again. If we need you, someone will get .... " 

His words were broken off with an explosion. 

The car flew backward, and the space was filled with screaming and grinding of steel being pushed to its breaking point. The young man was launched across the aisle into the mother and child that were sitting there. He tried to break his fall and save the child from his full impact, but he lost his balance and the full brunt of his size fell on the mother and child. The child let out a blood-curdling howl which was drowned out by the mother's scream. A piercing shot of pain went through his arm. 

He lay there for a bit. Trying to gather his bearings. Throughout the car, there were moans and weeping. And silence. 

"Help me," a whispered voice came from in front of him. "Can anyone help me?" 

Silence. 

Even the young boy and woman he fell into were silent. The man was afraid of what that meant. He tried to move his toes from where his feet were twisted at an odd angle. He could feel them and they didn't hurt. He tried to move his lower body a bit. So far, so good. It was went he went to move the body that was on top of him that he felt the sharp pain pierce through his arm again. 

"Lady, if you can wait a bit, I'll see if I can help you. I'm stuck under something, or maybe someone, and if I can get free, I'll do what I can to help," he responded in a weak voice himself. 

"Ok," she responded. "I can't feel my legs. I can't feel anything." 

He maneuvered himself around and with his other arm, he was able to slowly push the person aside. It was obvious that the person was no longer alive - there was a huge gash on the side of his head and an empty look in the unseeing eyes. There was no movement coming from him. 

Once the young man had extricated himself from the bodies, he could see what surrounded him. Complete chaos. Blood everywhere. Body pieces. It's a wonder that he was alive! 

Day 3

 

I'm going to have to figure out another way to title these writing exercises. Numbers don't do much. Oh well - a solution for another day. 

Prompt - The place where wings unfurl.

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I've been feeling pretty low the last few days. Low on energy, low on enthusiasm, low on hope. I'm not sure why, but that's the state of my mind lately. I was driving home the other day; the roads were treacherous and snow-covered, and most of the others were driving quite slow, too. As I was stopped at a stoplight, my eyes wandered over the nearby landscape. Suddenly, a flash of desire coursed through me. I had an idea. How to get out of this funk, if nothing else. 

At the next intersection, I turned west. It didn't matter where the road would take me, but I needed to go west. Why west? That's where the mountains are. That's where the drudgery of the city leaves and the magic of the snow and scenery begins. There was still light for a couple more hours, though I could feel the cold sun start its downward fall. I still had time. 

Just outside the city a bit, there's a hike along a river that leads to a waterfall. It's at the base of the foothills that would eventually become the mountains, but it's a place I often have gone in the past. This spot is a little slice of enchantment for me, and at this time of the year, it was sure to be empty. I pulled into the parking lot. Bundling up with the winter clothes I had with me, I locked the door and made my way through the uncut snow to a bench I knew was there. It is set on the side of the river, with a small waterfall to my left and the mountains hazy in the distance to my right. The perfect spot! 

I brushed off the bench and sat. It was cold but not unbearable. I could see my breath in front of me when I breathed. All the world was silent. No car sounds, no sounds of humanity. Only nature. I could hear the river making its way under the ice that covered it. Along the banks in front of me and across the river, the snow piled up like a blanket that was pushed aside for the movement of life in between. As I listened, I could hear the muffled gurgling as the mountain stream continued through the icy world. 

I listened carefully - twittering birds, winter birds, could be heard. I could see their little forked footprints in the feathery snow nearby, so I knew they were around. Over to the right, away from the bench, I saw footprints of a more animal-sort. Now, I'm not good with footprints, so these could be a fox or a raccoon or maybe a bobcat, but I'm sure they were a bit older. They did not look fresh to me, so I did not worry. Besides, my car was just behind me so I was pretty safe. The sun was still in the sky and I know most animals will come out nearer to sunset. I didn't plan to stay much longer. 

I sat there. Breathing in the crisp mountain winter air, breathing out my citified, depressed mood. In the vibrancy and life and beauty, out the drudgery and listlessness and loss. In the enchantment and ethereal and pristine, out the morose and lethargy and stagnation. With my eyes closed, I stood, put my hands on my hips and spread my feet a bit. The "Wonder Woman Pose." I continued with my conscious breathing and listening. I could smell the pine trees around me, the freshness of the world, the crystal icyness of the snow. I could hear the distant twittering and the cracking of the branches nearby. Yes, something was shifting

I continued to stand in silence, in my state of meditation and commune with this world, and I felt it begin. A slow release, like the slow opening of a flower in the sun. An unfurling of a closed and tightly wound coiled spring, slowly letting go, slowly relaxing, slowly grounding. I could feel my chest begin to breathe deeper, I could feel the muscles in my shoulder release, I could feel my feet and legs reaching down and out to feel the earth beneath them. 

And, as the shift inside my body began, so, too, could I feel things rearrange themselves in my mind and my heart. My life circumstances had not changed, but in these last few moments, it was like the fresh mountain air did a housecleaning inside. My thoughts were clearer, my heart was more open. I could feel hope begin to blossom again, return to me. Ideas began to nudge themselves forward and it was time to head home.  

On the drive back, I realized that this was something I needed to do regularly - visit a place for my soul. If I could recreate something in my home, that would work, too, but nothing surpasses the return to the land, regardless of the season. Each season holds its own magic and that is truly what nourishes my soul, my heart, and helps me see a way through the depression that is so much a part of my reality. Learning how to live with this and find ways to break through is part of my task; obtaining the skills and the self-awareness for when those moments come is a gift I can give myself. 

Day 2

 

Prompt: Write about an unfamiliar subject.

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He lay in the grass, watching through the window. There they were - such a beautiful family! The mother, the father, two children, and the dog clambering around their feet. He sighed. He hoped that tonight would be the night but maybe not. Not yet.  One more night of watching. He crept closer, trying to listen in through the window. 

"Mom, can I sleep over at Susie's tomorrow?" the girl asked. k

"I'm not sure, dear," the mother answered. "Your father is going away on a business trip tomorrow and I think you should stay home until he comes back." 

"Aww, but moooom," the girl whined. 

"Let me think about it," she said as she passed the bowl of potatoes to her left. 

The father away? Hmm, the man in the grass thought. That might be a good night to do this! 

"Carol," the father said, "if she wants to go, let her go. You'll have the dog and James home with you. And you can be the man-of-the-house." He looked at his son with a smile. The boy looked to be about 10 years old. 

"Of course I can, Dad," he said with a bit of pride in his voice.  

The man in the grass made no motion. He was now certain that tomorrow would be the night. The kid looked weak, the dog ... he'd have to remember to bring a bit steak for Doggo. No problem. He continued to listen. 

"Well, maybe you're right, Bill," she answered.  "I just wish you wouldn't have to go away for this right now. You know it's the anniversary of the accident. And I'm always nervous around this time." 

"It will be ok. It's been over 10 years since the attack. I'm sure he's long forgotten by now," Bill said. "Oh, Carol, I almost forgot. Can you take me to the airport tomorrow afternoon? My plane leaves at 5 PM and I need to be there by 3:30." 

"Sure. I can get groceries on my way home. That works out well for me," she said. "You kids will be ok for a bit if I'm late?"

"Mom, can I go to Suzie's?" the little girl asked again. 

"Ok, I guess it's ok. James, will you be ok for a bit?" she asked.

"Of course, Mom," the boy replied. 

Little does he know! The man smiled. When a bitch does that to me, I won't ever forget! And she'll get what's coming to coming to her! 

With that, he slithered back until he was out of sight of the window and in the darkness of the yard. He then got up, headed to the sidewalk, and walked in the other direction to where he had parked his car. Opening the door, he slid behind the steering wheel. He thought, If I play this right, I can sneak into the house after the bitch leaves and before the kid comes home. Then, I'll be right where I need to be when the time comes! He wrote a few notes in a notebook beside him before turning off the overhead lights and starting the car. 

New Challenge Old Challenge - Day 1

I realized I still have a few Ikigai posts in near completion but still in draft form! Yikes! Gotta get those done! However, due to a creative writing class I'm taking, there is a day where we have an 'Invitation' - This day is called "Building a Commitment." And, to be honest, when I thought of what kind of 'commitment' do I need to build, the list of things rolled out in my head like a Santa Claus list of all the naughty and nice children. So, I had to pause - let's start small. Small and build from there. 

My decision is to begin daily writing. Which I have done before (Look back to Nov 2014 or Nov 2022, and you'll find two such attempts before.  That's what I want to do - using my A Writer's Book of Days by Judy Reeves, I would like to write every day. It will be the same in the sense I will pick the day's prompt, set the timer for twenty minutes, and write whatever comes for twenty minutes. It will be different because it's more about creating a practice, honouring a promise, building a commitment. So, the aim is to write a minimum of five times a week, but I cannot skip two days in a row. And, let's see how long I can go with that. After all, if I dream of becoming a writer, I need to write, right? 

To note, I will write what comes. It will start wherever it will start and it will end when the 20-minute timer goes off. At the very least, I will finish the sentence. Maybe along the way, I might be able to write a continuation! We'll see!

So, for today, the prompt is: Write about "the light of lamps and candles". I'll light a candle first, to create this 'sacred space' for this time. 

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The power just went out. There was a warning alert that came over the phones saying we might have a blackout, but who really thinks that's going to happen? Well, it happened. 

Now what? 

Here's the thing: not only is it just after midnight, but it's also the coldest night of the year so far. Hovering somewhere around -35 Celsius. Not just cold, but bloody cold! It won't be long before the chill starts creeping into this room! No space heater, no hot water bottle, no nothing. Oh, wait ... 

I head to the junk drawer to rummage around in there. All the clinking and rustling when I open the drawer reminds me that I really must clean this out one day soon. I have no clue what's in there - I'm only hoping for one thing. The red flash sends a thrill of success through my thoughts - Red Bird Wooden Matches! Yes! Now to find the candle at the back of some shelf. 

Within a few minutes, I have my feather blanket from my bed, haul it into the living room, and set up my candle on the coffee table in front of me. Not much, but it's something. Besides, who knows how long this might go? 

I strike the match - the pricking of the phosphorus ignites the match; with a whispered whoosh, it creates the teardrop shape and the burn grasps hold of the stick. From there, it is easy to transfer the flame to the candle wick, and instantly, the glow flows into the darkness around me. I sit there for a bit - watching it dance and waver, flicker and strengthen. My imagination wanders ... 

We have it so easy in many ways. Turn the knob and the room heats up, the oven warms up. Flip a switch and lights come on, coffee makers hum into action, dishwashers start. The benefits of electricity are such that we take it all for granted. But, what was it like to live in the days before electricity? I'm sure there have been humans living without electricity for much longer than we have been living with! 

What would my life look like? this room look like? if there was no electricity? Well, I think for starters, there would be a fireplace. My father was a bricklayer and built many fireplaces, but how many homes have one now? Oh, you can't! Air pollution! Global climate problems! Well, if it's life or death, I'll take a fireplace over not! Man, would I love to have one now! 

I look down at the feather blanket - natural fibers. No polyester or synthetics - cotton and feathers. And, as I pause, I can feel my body heat starting to build a lovely cocoon of warmth around me within the blanket shawl. Yes, they had these. I probably could put on some more clothing under, warm longjohns they were called, maybe a toque and scarf. And, the more natural fibers, the better. Now, natural fibers in clothing come with a ridiculous cost. Like electric cars, who can afford them? 

The candle. This is what formed the foundation of their light, I'm sure. In buildings, after the sun went down, to read and write by candlelight. I remember seeing some beautiful lamps in the museum I once visited. The wick area was dark and the glass protector still had a haze of soot on the inside. That item was well-used in its day. I wonder what kind of things it gave light to? A young girl studying her school lessons? A young man writing to his fiance? A mother reading a letter? A father reading the bible? And, I'm sure there were many days that lamp shone over people who were cold and maybe even a bit dejected. Life would not have been easy. But they continued. They came together to help each other.

And yet, we struggle with how horrible our lives are! How miserable and hopeless we feel when we view our lives! FML is an acronym I often see.  This is the life that is so hopeless? I'm sure that our ancestors, in the middle of their misery (which had a lot more ugly than we have!), still had hope. It might have been small, it might have been barely a spark, but I'm sure they felt it. Not every day, but I'm sure it was occasionally there. They still had beautiful days. I wonder what they had that we don't have? 

I think there's lots that they had that we don't have - community, family, resilience, perseverance, faith. A lot of those things we have put aside because they're too 'old fashioned'. We're too 'advanced' for that. We have computers and electricity! We have electric cars! Well, look at what happens when we take away that one small piece. What happens then? 

We're back where our ancestors were, but without those things that kept them going ... maybe now is worse than then. I breathe out; I am starting to see my breath in front of me. Not because of the candle still flickering strongly, but because those other things are gone; those things that gave hope: community, family, resiliance, perseverance, faith. My little candle, the warmth under my blanket, the frosted breath that puffs from me, has reminded me that we really do have things good. The electricity will come again. 

Maybe it's time to find a way to bring back those other things into my life, too. The candle has reminded me of things far more important than electricity. Maybe I should go out and buy an oil lantern tomorrow - a prompt of things more important that our 'modern' times today. A nudge to hope. 

Commitment to Self - Winter Writing Sancuary

I am taking a creative writing course called Winter Writing Sanctuary with Beth Kempton. It is positively lovely!! I am enraptured with every moment and every opportunity!  

This is Day 7 - Part 2: Building: 2.3 Promising: Building a Commitment. The 'Invitation' reads: Make a promise or commitment to yourself, your writing, someone else or to the world. Write it down (this can be a few words, one powerful paragraph, or a manifesto). Later, it reads to make it public. So, I do so here.

This is what I wrote: 

There are so many things I need to make a commitment to. And, every one of them that I've done in the past, I feel that I've failed. How can I make a commitment that not only sticks but that can snowball to the other areas and things and places in my life that need commitments, too? This instantly causes a sense of overwhelm to rise in me ... to freeze up, to panic, to fret and fear, to sense the world crumbling beneath me before I even take a step. 

I am going to sleep on this and return in the morning. I will make a small commitment then. 

 --> I return. 

I've made a decision. A commitment to myself. I've thought about this and know that this will be a good thing. 

Since last night, I've been pondering what this could mean for me: "Building a Commitment." And, to be honest, when I thought of what kind of 'commitment' do I need to build, the list of things rolled out in my head like a Santa Claus list of all the naughty and nice children in the world. Rolling and rolling and never-ending. So, I had to pause and think - let's start small. Small and build from there. 

 Two things came to the top of my mind: 

 #1 - Daily Walking. I once had a friend who went for a set distance walk every day. If she 'didn't want to' (for whatever reason), she would allow herself two days per week and they could not be back to back. I know that I need to get out and walk more. So, this is a commitment I would like to make for myself. I won't create a set distance, but I will commit to walking. I won't set 5 days a week, no two days off in a row, but I will commit to 3 days a week. Let's start with that. And, with my Conqueror Challenge, I have spent a crazy amount of money, but they will all go towards this goal in some way. A reward at the end! 

 #2 - Dailing Writing. Many years ago I once gave myself a challenge: 100 days of creative writing, 20 minutes a day. It was not a success but there were good things that happened. So, the commitment here that I will make is for daily writing, but more along the lines of my friend's walking. Five days a week, and no two days are off. I will use my 'A Writer's Book of Days' for the daily prompts and write for 20 min (min). And I will do it on my blog My Challenge to New Life (l-chaya.blogspot.com). I have no set end date because this needs to be a life-long commitment. Habit creation. Start here and adapt as time goes on. I usually start things like this at the beginning of the year or month; this time, I begin today. January 14th. Not the beginning of anything. Maybe this one has a better chance of anchoring? Tracking will be part of it as well. 5:17 - need to get in a walk today! Doesn't matter how far, just get into the clothes, bundle up (it's crazy cold right now!), and out you go! The writing for today is already done! (see next entry 😁 ) 

I'll share results along the way. Let's see how this goes! 

Ikigai Part 9 - How I See The World

 

One component I have not yet looked at very closely is how I see the world. The point is that within there, I will also see how I can contribute to the world in such a way that I feel like I'm doing something to help. This is the meaning, I think, of 'pay' - that there is an internal feeling of having contributed to something bigger than yourself in a way that you are especially created to do so. 

So, how do I see the world? The simple answer - hurting, broken. The more complex answer - is not so simple. I know I have tracked and commented about difficulties I see in people and situations around me for a long time. Maybe as long as I have begun to notice things. However, it doesn't seem like things are getting 'better' in any way. It's almost as if ... the more we learn, the more we break. We make more of a mess of things, we hurt more, we divide more, we destroy more, we break more. 

Now, if I was an Evangelical Christian, I'd get on a bandwagon about the Second Coming. I remember when I was deep into this thought when I was in high school, and a friend (who was also into it) told me that she thought Christ would come again in the early 2000s. Well, even though many are blowing that trumpet now, certain that any moment the Saved and True Believers (which includes them) will be swept into the skies, I no longer believe this to be so. I truly believe that we will not know the hour or the day, or even if this is going to happen. I've realized dispensational theology is not my groove. I truly believe things have been as bad or more in the past, and it is all out of my control. If it happens, it happens; however, that is not where I am putting my faith right now. I do not believe in a 'Get Out Of Jail Free Card' that I will be able to use in the near future. So ... I have to move forward, with purpose and intention. 

At the time of this writing, there are wars throughout the globe - war between Russia & Ukraine, war between Israel & Hammas (leaders of Palestine), rumours of war between China & Taiwan, war in Myanmar, in Sudan, in Darfur. There is rampant division and hatred throughout the USA and Europe  over ideology (gender, 'race', and anti-Semitism), and Canada is a mess. I almost guess that it's not long before civil war will break out somewhere. And I haven't even touched the impact of AI. But, the thing is - when has this globe ever been free of war? It has been, and I suspect it always will be. We just know a lot more about them now than we did before the internet. 

So, I see a world that is so very lost and broken. The hatred is a mask for pain. We think that we are going to solve problems by removing the problem or imposing our beliefs on others, and it ends up - one says the other is wrong, the other says the one is wrong ... two wrongs don't make anyone right, and all we end up doing is pointing fingers at each other and no one taking responsibility to find common ground. 

Maybe at its essence, we have lost our humanity. We have lost what makes us people. We truly, as humanity, have turned from God in almost every way possible. Even those who spout the Bible are focused on how right they are. Humility and compassion are rare to find; everyone wants to cancel someone. And our leaders ... they are the worst. And I see almost no hope in sight. Not to mention, mark my words - if one certain person takes leadership, it might be the switch to flip for that civil war I mentioned above. 

How do I see the world? Its soul is shattered. It's broken. It's in so much pain that it is confused beyond understanding. I also see children who are being manipulated into disaster and, if people thought we have too much trauma and depression among children and youth today, they have no idea what's coming down the road. It will be a thousand-fold. I see adults running after the wrong thing, almost like those addictions that try to placate their trauma with drugs. We have so many 'drugs' in our world today; I said to a friend about a week ago that every person has psychological issues and needs healing. No exception. The thing is - the blind cannot lead the blind. We are all on a horrific path. And the elderly? They will slip between the cracks and, at the very least, they won't be here to see where this leads. This world has no use for them, they no longer serve a purpose. And what happens when you have a demographic that becomes a burden to society? 

And this doesn't even touch the environment around us - nature and the rapidly declining birthrate and disasters. I know the environment has gone through catastrophic shifts in the past. I'm not saying this is 'normal' but I also believe it's not the first time. At the same time, it is the time when we are going to witness this catastrophic shift; maybe not in a year or five, but I'm sure in 50, this world will be a very different one than what we are living in today. Recorded history has never lived through a shift like this, so it's no surprise that there is panic now. 

What can I offer? Maybe a tether, a connector. I can help people find their way back to themselves. The self they were created to be. Along the lines of Maslow's hierarchy of Needs. However, I would change one thing - the ultimate pinnacle would not stop with self-actualization. Instead, I believe there is something in his information source that was omitted, which we see the results of now ... we need to include community. That is where healing is done, that is where you find health. No man is an island. I dream of a community that can provide this, in complete fullness and encompassing life. (If you want to know more of what I'm referring to, check into the connection between Abraham Maslow and his connection to the Blackfeet.) 

Many decades ago, I wrote what I thought my Personal Mission Statement was. I still think it is still a guide for me: "To encourage and inspire the potential in everyone I meet, so that they may become a better person, a little further along on their own journey to self-actualization, and a little closer to achieving their purpose in life." Maybe, at its heart, this is my Mission Statement still ... with a little work! I wonder what that would look like when I have completed this journey? 

(PS - for the sake of the experiment I began this with, I have made the posting to be on Friday, August 18th. However, it was actually written on Sunday, November 26th. I will complete the experiment with the dates intended, but I will note the actual date they were written.) 

Ikigai Part 8 - Know Yourself Better, Exercise

 

Nine Prompts for Unmasking Your True Self

I found the following questions on Facebook, and I wish I could give credit to whoever created them. However, all I have is a screenshot of the questions. 

What I noticed is how well they fit in with this quest of mine. I choose not to answer them here, but I want to include them as part of the process. I will answer them and my answers will be part of the responses coming up. As we are well past the halfway point of this journey, I will begin to head towards pulling threads together for myself. I might not answer all the questions here, but be assured - what is not answered here is definitely answered somewhere else in my world. And through it all ... I'm listening to my bum. 

The questions are as follows: 

• What are my core values and beliefs? How do they guide my decisions and actions? 
• What activities or hobbies make me lose track of time and bring me pure joy? 
• What are my strengths and unique talents? (Note: These are like what is encoded into me.) How can I leverage them in my life?
• What are my biggest fears or insecurities? How do they hold me back? 
• What are my true passions and desires? (I think included here is how I see the world and what calls to my heart.) How can I align my life with them? 
• What are recurring patterns or habits in my life? (These are not the same as routines.) Do they serve me well? Be curious about this. 
• How do I handle and cope with stress or difficult situations? What can I learn from this? 
• What kind of people or relationships energize and uplift me? What kind of people drains me? 
• How do I define success and fulfillment? Am I currently living in alignment with my definition? 

I recently attended a workshop. It was a Creative Workshop - for Creatives. Some good questions were raised that fit here, too, including ...

• How do I identify as a creative? What is my perception of my creative career? 
• How motivated am I in my creative career? (1-10) 
• What's the story that comes with that number? 
• Now, imagine the 10 version of that. What is stopped between my number and that 10? What is started? What is the result? These need to be specific, not general.
• What narrates - fear? excitement? ... step into the joy first. 
• What does "committed" look like? What behaviours can be seen? 
• What if that 10 suddenly becomes a 2 ... what if your first 10 became a launchpad and not the end point? What then ... would need to be stopped? started? and what would be the result? 
• What is the first vision ... and the next ... and the one after that? 

If you are not a creative, put whatever you are instead of that word ... this becomes a very interesting exercise about vision and direction and the gap between here and there. 

As mentioned, I will not answer these here. But I will answer them somewhere. Let me encourage you to do the same.